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SMITHBARNEYF Lmm E§lTiI§,:/ {,1-34.’: riot offer fax or legal ail-rice Please cmsuityoiii taocuiegai adviser tor cum guidarioa $30514 (iii roup ‘23l2’.-bill Martel: ins: Memr,-er SIPC Smm Barney In a divisim and service mark of flag:-mp ..siok;al Markets Inc. and H3 affiliate: and 1-. used and registered lhrou ghoul the world £lTl(5P.U.lF* arm’ the tlrrbieila Serum are iiryiarmilrs and mar-ui-:93 mark‘; or Clticorp 0! its affiliates and are men ariu re ushered throughout the world THIS IS WHO WE ARE THIS IS HOW WE EARN IT I3 a ceririre mat of giizgmuri Eiintxil Mamit: inc 1 TONGUEINCHEEK BY KEVIN ISOM Ophelia Emboldened IT WAS LIKE I WAS LIVING A CHARLIE Brown Christmas, only I wasn’t choos- ing the scraggliest, littlest Christ- mas tree —— I was adding to our family. .With the move to a house with an enclosed yard, I thought it was time to add a dog to our mix. Besides, the two cats had been asking for a pet for the past several Christmases, and I thought it was time that they got their wish. I had to sell this to my partner first, but I planned the negotiation well. I looked at dog shelters and rescue societies on the intemet. Did you know that some of them actually postanimals’ pho- tos beside captions like, “Endangered! Snow- ball’s Last Day Alive is Friday”? I printed a couple of those and showed them to Derek over dinner. It was so horrific he actually teared up. The negotiation was over before it started. So we set out one Saturday to visit rescue societ- ies holding adoptions at pet stores. At the first one, we didn’t bond with any animals, and that is the most important part of choosing a;new family member — they choose you, and not vice versa. At the second one, we saw a beautiful Pa- pillon mix, a bold Labrador mix, and then, in the last cage, a mal—noun'shed, skin—and-bones little black and white Jack Russell Terrier and Chihua- hua mix. Half her neck and chest fur was gone, and her broken front leg was in a cast. , She saw us coming. The rescue volunteers had taken pity on her and painted her cast a bright yellow, and her nails on the other three paws to match. She wagged hertail and tried to hop around as cutely as she could with her cast, never barking at all, and I was hooked. The volunteers explained she had been abused and abandoned. When they found her she had been hit by a car. And she was wearing a puppy collar too tight for a grown dog, which. had rubbed off her neck fur. We looked at the other dogs again, as I looked over my shoulder at the yellow cast. Then I in- sisted that we take her out of her cage, despite Derek’s protests that we couldn’t take care of a special needs animal — we just didn’t have the time. The volunteers took her out, and Derek held her for the first time. She put her head on his shoul- der, and she let out along sigh. That was that. I filled out the adoption papers while Derek sat with her. The vol- unteers were thrilled that she was being ad- opted by two daddies who would probably treat her like a princess. And we proved them right, as we went al‘0l11l(l the store picking out the absolute necessities —- like sensitive skin food, toys, treats, the faux-fur lined doggie bed, and the black leather rhine- stone collar (for when her neck healed, of course). When we chose the rhinestone collar, I looked at Derek and said, “You do realize how stereotypical this is, don’t you?” He held it up to her scrawny neck and re- plied, “But look how good it will look on her! And she deserves it!” I tossed the collar into the cart. I wondered, as we left with our new family mem- ber, ifl was drawn to her because of her needs, or if it was more because she was making the most of a tough situation and being the best-est, cutest dog she could be. Maybe as a gay person, Iwas more sensitive to that. We've got odds to overcome, too. Ormaybe I saw potential in her, and I just wasn’t go- ing to overlook the scraggliest little Christmas tree. In any case, she’s found her new home now, the cast is off, and her leg is fine, though she will al- ways favor it a little. Her fur is slowly covering her bright pink skin again, and the cats are getting used to this strange waggy thing in their midst. She’s even recovered her yoice, and when some- one rings the doorbell, she takes her duty to pro- tect her new home seriously. She barks for a few seconds, and she stands by, keeping her front leg raised slightly, lest she needto jump into protect us. Then Ophelia — she had to have a royal name, ‘and we figured that this Ophelia"would have 'a . much happier end than that of Hamlet's —- re- turns to her faux-fur bed, curls up, and sighs. V "She put her head on’ his shoulder, and she let outa long sigh. That was that." S Columnist Kevin Isom is the author of It Only Hurts When I Polka and Tongue in Cheek and Other Places, available at bookstores and online. He may be reached at isomonline@ao|.com or Kevinlsorncom.