%

’m in the process of being

rejected. Don’t you just

hate that? On the other
hand, it could be worse. At
least I’m not being rejected by
a sweetie  yet. Do I sound a
little wary? Let’s put it this
way. Rejection is not on my
top—ten list of best responses to
my heart’s desires. This partic-
ular rejection is related to the
world of (arghh) publishing.

I just finished writing a
memoir about lesbian feminism
in the Burlington women’s
community back in the 1970s. I
have spent a lot of years on this

project, which meant I had to

not reject myself in order to
finish it. And let me tell you,
that was hard-

   
 
  

 

and sample chapters in the
envelopes and got over my full-

* blown anxiety attack, and

before I heard from this first
round of agents, I entertained
grandiose fantasies of
all five discovering
that this totally
obscure dia-
mond in
the

But my friends forgot to

tell me that fancy literary
agencies from Madison Ave.
send mean form letters.

ass work. It wasn’t the writing
that I sweated and strained
over. The writing was the easy
part because writing is not only
fun for me, it’s a bit of a com-

jpulsion. It was the discipline

around the writing — the effort
to set aside the time, the nega-

_tive se1f—ta1k (This, Crowsky, is

a bunch of bullshit.’ etc.), the
negative moods, the just plain

_ laziness —— that was the hard

part. I tend to be a little hippie
around the edges. My idea of a
good time is to sitby the lake
and stare a lot.

But I managed to come up
with around 250 pages after
three or four drafts, and now
it’s time. To send it out. To be

rejected. Oh, after I stuffed all

the necessary inquiries, outlines

rough from Burlington,
Vermont could make them
loads of money so who would I
choose to represent me as I was
catapulted to fame on the
Oprah Winfrey Show?

I did not take my writer
friends’ advice, which was to
have five more addressed. '
envelopes on my desk after the
first five passedme up. “Don’t
skip a beat. Don’t dwell on it.
Shrug your shoulders and move
on,” they said. But they forgot
to tell me that fancy literary
agencies from Madison Ave.
send mean form letters: We’re
not enthusiastic enough about
your work. Don’t bother send-
ing it on to another agent at the
agency. We would have passed
it on if we thought there’d be

  Emacing Rejection

any takers. We receive 4000
submissions a month — now '
just who the hell do you think
you are? (Not exact quotes.)

The one letter I got that
actually mentioned my book by
name said something honest,
which came as a relief. “The
companies we represent are
only interested in people who.
have major media attention.”
Do I honestly believe that a 3
memoir about a lesbian femi-
nist community in some small
town in northern New England
is going to be happily digested
by the bowels of the patri-
archy? Not likely.

Now what? Like with any
rejection my job is to learn

_ from it — to change tactics or to

simply keep doing the same
thing with a thicker skin. My
jobyis to laugh about it, or get
angry enough to proclaim it’s
their loss. (Zen and the Art of
Motorcycle Maintenance was

rejected 100 times. I love those '0
_ kinds of stories.) Most of all,

my job is to continue to believe
that there are plenty of folks

’ who'would enjoy my take on

dykes inthe 1970s because it
was a major act of healing for
me to embrace my courage and
foibles during my coming out
process. -

So why bother with rejec-
tion? Why not just patmyself
one my back for a job well done,
share the book with a few of
my friends and put it behind 0
me? Because rejections are the
stuff of life. They make us '
grow. They .spur us on to take
more risks. They fuel deterrni—
nation. They build character.
(Don_’t you just hate that?)
They push us to either. believe
in ourselves or shrivel up and
fade away.

Affirming myself as a les-
bian for the past 27 years in the
face of society’s rejection has
ironically made me a very
happy woman today. Surely I
can withstand a few more dis-

couraging -months. Wish me

luck.V

Crow Cohen is a writer, mother,
grandmother, and self-pro-
claimed lesbian revolutionary
who lives in Burlington.

 

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Terry Light
, Sales & Leasing Consultant
 .r teny@bu:1ingtoncars.oorn
' ' 1.800.833.5945
802.660.8099 x107
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