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April’s

Home Improvement, Inc.

KITCHENS . BATHS . REMODELING
Additions, Disability Modifications

i 802—31()—7579

Today’s Technology, Yesterday’s Craftmanship
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K Serving-Chittenden County and SurroundingArea.<y_

Jackie Marine, REALTOR
North Professionals
(802)655-3377 x223

(800)639-4520 x223
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BOB GREEN, LCMHC‘

LICENSED CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR

. SOUTH BURLINGTON, VERMONT
(802) 6s&239o
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INDIVID UALS 8C COUPLES
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issing out

ometimes I poke fun at

straight people. I apol-

ogize. Forgive me for
heckling folks who can’t help
being the way they are. Unlike
Republicans, fundamentalists,
and SUV drivers — who are free
to choose a different persuasion

' if they want to — heterosexuals

are pretty much stuck being
heterosexual.

‘ They’re born that way.
Despite abounding opportuni-
ties to leave their lifestyle, most
hets never turn gay. Not for
very long anyway. Obviously,
it’s not a choice.

Straight people say they’ve
known they were heterosexual
since they were kids. Where
they get the idea is anybody’s
guess. Maybe instead of a
Midge doll, their Barbie had a
Ken.

Psychiatrists say heterosexu-
als can become fine, well-
adjusted adults who contribute
to society, if they learn to
accept themselves. Many devel-
op a healthy sense of humor
about their sexual orientation.
The rest, well, what can you do
but feel sorry for them?

It’s too bad there’s no spe-
cial recognition for straight
people. When they discover
they’re straight, who cares?
There’s no coming out, nobody
to confide in, no one to make a
big deal of it. No Het Pride
parade.

Boy—girl oriented kids lose
out on so much. Pity the poor
children who are never allowed
sleepovers with their closest
friend just because that child is
a different sex. Kids are sepa-
rated by gender in gym class,
Brownies, Cub Scouts. Sure,
boys and girls can play some
sports together, but that all
changes when they grow up.
They’ll never play on the same
pro basketball team.

Dating outside their gender
must be hell. How awful to
worry about birth control every
time they have sex. There’s so
much straight couples can’t
share together, not the least of
which is using the same rest-
room. Where do het couples go
for a private chat in a public
place?

 

If they want to work out or
go for a swim, they’re relegated
to different locker rooms. If
they go clothes shopping with
their sweetie, they can’t share a

When hets
discover

a they’re
. straight,  
who cares?
There’s no
coming out,‘
nobody to
- confide in,
no one to
‘make a big
deal of it.
No Het
Pride
parade.

dressing room. That’s lonely.
Even during their together

. time, can they really know each

other’s personal woes? How

_ isolating to never fully under-

stand what your partner’s going
through with menstrual cramps
or jock itch, menopause or
male—pattem baldness.

Plus straight couples face all

A those family expectations.*Like

getting married. Sure they can
live together like any gay cou-
ple, but the marriage option is

 
   

always hanging over them like
the sword of Damocles.

Even the ones who willingly
choose to wed don’t have it
easy. They’re strapped with the
ordeal ‘of. trudging off to the
courthouse and shelling out

7 good money for a license. It

must be creepy to have the
state all up in your personal
business like that. Same—sex
couples can’t understand the
burden except in
Massachusetts, Canada, and a
few Western European coun-
tries.

Think of the suffering inside
straight relationships. One per-.
son is expected to fix stuff and
cam. more money and the other
is expected to cook and clean
andlnurture. The teasing can be
merciless on the ones who
deviate (aka girliemen and ball-
busters). And during holidays,
how they must agonize over
both families vying for their
company. Queer people should-
n’t gloat over having neither
family want us to‘ visit. There’s
no call for arrogance.

Sooner or later, hetero cou-
ples are expected to reproduce.
How embarrassing is that?
Most.of them never get to
peruse sperm—donor catalogs
and "select the traits they want

> for their baby — they take their

chances. If they do have kids,
only one partner is expected to
be the primary parent. If
they’re both nurturing and
equally involved, people look
at them funny. That’s gotta be
tough. I 7

I’m doing my best to be
more understanding, more tol-
erant of heterosexuals. I’m
sorry if I’ve offended. Hets
deserve acceptance the same
as anyone else. After all,
straightness is one of nature’s
myriad variations. Besides,
you never know when some-
one in your family might turn
out that way. V

Writer Sally Sheklow

wallows in queer privilege in‘
Eugene, Oregon. Kudos and-
kvetches welcome at
sally@wympr0v.c0m