ln_ southern Vermont

Praise and
Challenge:

Lynn Martin, former AIDS prevention worker

     

A VERMONT STORY

BY LYNN MAR11N

n September 29, 2005, I

a national organization
called Experience
Works, Prime Time Awards hon-
ored me for being 70 years old
and still working. Each year they
honor someone from each state.
I was chosen to represent
Vermont. The award included an
all-expense-paid week in
Washington, D.C. _
The final awards dinner was
in the Ronald Reagan Building
and International Trade3Center.
In presenting me. with the
award, the words AIDS, sub-
stance use and syringe exchange
were said aloud. Remembering
the deliberate neglect Ronald
exhibited toward AIDS during
his entire administration, and
that, today, the Bush administra-
tion chokes on the phrase
‘syringe exchange,’ I felt tri-
umphant. It also brought back
memories of 15 years working
in the epidemic. Here are some
highlights:

Good morning Mr. Otis, I say

"aloud, my morning incantation

to insure I arrive safely on the
fourth floor. ‘You would under-
stand why if you could see the
elevator. No bigger than the
average closet with brass metal
doors that crash shut the minute
you touch a button. Only one
buttonthough. It can only recog-
nize one request at a time. It was
originally run by a gravity-fed
water system. _

It begins with participating in’
a Walk For Life fundraiser. On
the Walk, images of my three
twenty-plus—year-old children
how loose in the world accom-
pany me. Would they know the
sexual/drug using history of a
prospective relationship?
Probably not. And so the epi-
demic became‘ personal. It was
about me and mine. It was about
friends, relatives and my com-
munity. I volunteered at the next
meeting held by the AIDS
Project to put together a library

for those infected and affected
by the virus. That’s all it took to
give away the next fifteen years
of my life. Fifteen years of '

ask. R would sit with me before
a class. He was about to tell his
story. He did this over and over,
because he told me,'he didn’t

 

lovable as a teddy bear. M was
killed in a car crash. He was
alone, returning fromllooking at
yet another and better car. Every

Even today, with all the medications, clients
die. But mostly they struggle with a day
focused on medications and appointments.

incredible learning and mind
altering experiences.

It begins with a budget of
under $4000. Today, in 2005, the
budget is somewhere around
$450,000 a year. It begins with a
group of people who were deter-
mined services would be avail-
able for those infected with HIV.
This tiny group of people were
successful in building an AIDS
Service Organization that helped
individuals find medical, psy-
chological and social services. It
helped individuals find housing,
food, transportation to appoint-
mentszthe vital connections to I
others'that'léssened the iso  '

        

an‘ n

and helped i-educe'féar'f'It"edi1- ’"‘
cated a community on the needs ‘

of HIV-positive people. It edu-
cated schools on the needs of
HIV-positive children. It educat-
ed hundreds of volunteers that
provided services not only in the
community, but all over the
world as young college students
took the knowledge with themin
theirtravels. V
The office is on the fourth

floor of the Italian American
Building. It consists of ‘four
rooms. Outside: the windows of
the Director flows the ' , » A
Connecticut River. The view is
spectacular. The entire staff-
agreed that one window would
remain deskless so anyone need-
ing to just look could do so. ,
Earlyin our residency, we had
two babies who came with their

': mothers to work. No babies have
ever been held by so many for

. so long. One of the best ways to

, cope with frustration was to hold

a baby.
And there has been and will
always be frustration. Bum-out

is an ever present danger, one

that was never talked about
enough. In the 80s it was death.
Many of our first clients died
soon after we got to know them.
Young, creative, beautiful people
dying before their parents,
before their time.

Remember my name, they all

want anyone else to become
HIV-positive. He would tell the
young people about his use of
alcohol, and how it had caused .
him to ignore -safer sex and take
risks he would never have taken
while sober. He did not talk of
being gay. 0

R was Catholic and carried
guilt like a _cross. We met one
bitter December day in a church
basement with an ecumenical

pastors’ group. One of the clergy
there was a Catholic priest. R‘
told his story. He ended by hang-
ing his head and saying he had

 
   

the priest, '

This same priest gave the ser-
mon at the funeral service for R
speaking words of praise for R’s

. courage. I only hope R was

listening. .
These stories are the fabric of

every day’s work. The phones

ring. Volunteers wander in and

« out and do everything from

fundraising to folding, stamping
and mailing letters. Clients come

- in to meet with the case manag-

er, pick up food, gas cards, use -
the telephone. They can be silent
and solitary or gregarious and-
full of laughter. It is never still.
A staff person can be talking to a
panicked caller who may or may
not have been exposed to HIV.
They can be trying to find a den-
tist who will accept someone ,
without insurance. _

Death hovers, is V stared down,
and retreats into the wings. B_ut
it is alwayshthere. Even today,
with all the medications, clients
die. But mostly they struggle
with a day focused on medica-

-tions and appointments.

M kept his hopes up by '
always being’ engaged in some
scheme. He loved cars. He actu-
ally managed to find ways to
fund one or two of them, and he
could be seen driving up the '
Main Street waving casually at
everyone like some town official.

He was exasperating and as

the Churi§fi’has“betrayed you. " r M

time the outer door to the office '
door opens, we all still look up
expecting to see M standing
theredemanding our full
attention. ‘

And then there are the stories
of the caregivers: a story of
commitment, faith, and love.

The epidemic takes its toll on
workers also. A day can be a
roller-coaster of emotion. Staff
are faced daily with their own
mortality, their own “There but
for the grace of god go I.”
Support from within is crucial.
(Recognizing signs of burn-out
and stepizing in to help.

.  , .«4....'\IxL dubs J1 --use
everlslav... ..¢..!;.rr.9£192?=.—.’»*..%t.é1 228%;
'son"ca‘n‘ achieve ’mir‘a'c1es’ of pro-
gramming in both direct services
andtprevention, only to fall to
funding cuts and a failure in-
imagination in the very place he
works. _ '

It is now 2005. The‘HIV virus
was identified in 1982. AIDS is
rarely front-page news nowa-
days. Yet people are still getting
infected in the United"States at
the rate of 40,000 each year.

      

And, yes, people are still dying.

Despite drug miracles and mira-

'cles of support and connection, .

HIV isolates‘ and "frightens. Yes, -

‘ we need to do more testingto

identify-those who are HlV—posi—
tive. But it is what happens once
someone is diagnosedpositive
that deternunes what kind of

‘ nation we are. .

The bigger -questions are still
with us, the same questions that

. were there in the beginning. Will

it be prejudice or understanding?
Will it be judgment or love? Will
the help continue to be there
when needed no matter who
needs it, and no matter where
they live? Who will see that
understanding, love and need
will be met except you? V

Lynn Martin is a published poet
and a former AIDS prevention
worker at the AIDS Project of
Southern Vermont in
Brattleboro.

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