very year it’s the same

dilemma: On Qctober

lvl, National Coming
Out Day, who is there left for

., me to come out to?

I want to participate. I don’t
want to feel left out. But it

» takes two to tango. And I’m

fresh out of dance partners.
I’m out at my day job, every
member of my extended fami-
ly who remotely matters to me

. (out to the third cousin level)

has met Derek, and I write a
column in the gay press. I
couldn7t get more out without
putting on pom—poms and a I
megaphone andcheering from

' the’ street comer. Which might

not be the sort of image that
the founders of National
Coming Out Day had in mind.

So what’s a totally out
kihda guy supposed to do? Go
back in the closet a little, so I
can come out again on
National Coming Out Day?
Would I feel better if I could?

It’s a little like what I call-
the “happy family ‘conun-
drum.” By which I mean that
everyone always wants to be
part of a happy family, and
some of us spend much of the
first part of our lives striving
in that direction. But it’s not
always what it’s cracked up to

‘be. When we were growing up,
my sister and I always longed
to be part of a happy family.
Then when we got older and
spent time around actual happy
families, we realized, “Blech!
How boring is THAT?!”

» ‘ I’ll never forget the adrena-
line rush of running through ,
our house, my sister in hot
pursuit with a butcher knife, as
I screamed for my parents to
stop her. Of course, I had lain V
in wait in the darkest corner of
the kitchen after we’d watched
The Amiryville Horror, and I’d
scared the bejeezus out of my
sister as she was getting a bed-
time glass of milk. I was actu-
_ally_ a little surprised she didn’t
come after me with the electric
knife.

Or how we knew never to
go near the bathroom when
Mom was having newspaper
time. It was the one half hour
of the day when she could

out...

 

 

have some peace to herself,
and no one would come in and

bother her with a request. But
we wondered — could she at
least flush occasionally?

.Or how you never knew
what my dad would say, or the
consequences it could have.
Like when the neighbor’s 20
year old daughter got a black
cat that neatly matched her jet

 

track down your grandfather
with his latest floozy. Your
mom would work on her
homework, as your grand-
mother did her best Magnum,
P.I. impression. That’s why
your grandparents got
divorced, you know. Your
' grandfather never realized he
couldn’t be married and not
still date.” Just ask any person
who grew up in a happy family
if he has any memories that

make as good a story as THAT-. '

So maybe, similarly, being
a fully-out gay person is better
than being able to come out to
someone on National'Coming
Out Day. Maybe I should 9
accept that I’m in a better
place, and find another way to
participate instead.

Derek and I have been tl1ink—
ing about adopting an older

‘When we were
growing up, my
sister and I always
longed to be part
of a happy family.
Then we realized,
“Blech! How boring

is THAT?!”

black hair, and Dad called out
to her across the driveway,
“That’s a pretty little black
pussy you’ve got there, Julie!” »

i I still don’t think he ever

understood why Mr. Judkins
was so upset. Or maybe he did
and just enjoyed it.‘ After all, '
the Judkins were rather preten-
tious folk to have a name like
Judkins.

Somaybe the less—than—
happy families were better»
after all. At least they were
more interesting in terms of
future stories:.“Yes, dear
nephew. I remember how your
grandmother used to take your
mom out in the Oldsmobile to

child — you know,.one just out
of med school — but-perhaps
instead we should just find some
not-quite—fully—out twenty—some-

thing who needs a cheering sec— ‘

tion. That way, I could feel like
I’m participating in National
Coming Out Day again. And I’ll
bet Derek would look really cute
in pom—poms. V ‘

Colzmmisr Kevin Isom is

the author of It Only Hurts
When I Polka and Tongue

in Cheek and Other Places,
available at bookstores and
online. He may be reached (11 _
iS0l710Il[ll1E@(I()[.COI11 or

K ev‘inIs0m .c0m .

 

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