The

Big C

continued from page 1“

weeks of radiation. Nonetheless, the
cancer returned in her salivary glands,
which she had surgery to remove. That
summer a routine "mammogram discov-
ered cancer in her right breast.

At this time she became “exhausted
of worrying” and opted for the mastec-
tomy. Unlike Grossman, however, she
became frustrated with what she
describes as “outrageous” behavior
from the doctors she saw.

“When I began to make the rounds
of surgeons — I wanted a woman and I
also wanted the best — every single sur-
geon without exception assumed that I
was heterosexual and assumed that I’d
want to do breast preservation, assumed
that-ideavof femininity.”- \  r  I

1 Although F‘dntaiire 1_ovea;her breasts,“

she doesn’t wear any substitutes since
her mastectornies. “I get called ‘sir,’ but
I got that anyway. I have a birthmark on
my face, so I’m no stranger to staring.”
The experience has sent Fontaine on a
“mission to question beauty.”

Fontaine’s community of people who .

helped her through her ‘Cancer experi-
ence was not based in the lesbian com-
munity. She was single when she was
first diagnosed and it was her “great
support network of sisters and friends”
who played a large role in helping her
and by taking her to chemotherapy
every three weeks and marking the
occasion by doing something crazy like
dressing up or reading something funny.

“I think there’s an illusion that it’s
easier for lesbians with breast cancer,”
she says of the idea that being a lesbian
means you automatically have a big
community, “but I don’t think that’s
necessarily true.”

Although being a lesbian undoubted-
ly has affected Fontaine’s experience,
she, like Grossman, had so much more
to say about other areas of her life that
were affected by cancer, and the
changes she’s been through and made.
“When I was first diagnosed I was hurt
and angry,’ pissed off.” She was at a
tough time in her life already, dealing
-with a recent break-up and feeling iso-
lated. “Someone would say, ‘what are
the gifts of cancer?’ and I’d just want to

slap them,” she says.

.¢.%¢.a-¢.*£%"‘

mrmcm FONTAINE:
“I think there’s an illusion thatit’s easier

for lesbians with breast cancer, but I don’t  

think that's necessarily true.”

By the time of her second round of
breast cancer, she had made a sort of
peace with herself. She wrote a book of
poems about having cancer, through
which she realized metaphors that help
her understand and process her experi-
ence. “I will not be at war with my

body,” she says, dismissing the metaphor

of battle. For Fontaine, the idea of
“meeting” cancer works much better.

Strong Partner: Carol

Carol Altobelli brought up other ways
that being a lesbian affected her cancer
experience. Unlike either Grossman or
Fontaine, Altobelli has had no reoccur-
rences with her breast cancer, which
was diagnosed in 1997. Her cancer was
stage two, which meant that she had no
choice as to whether she wanted to try
to treat it with non-toxic methods: she
had to get twelve months of chemother-
apy, then radiation, as_ well as a mastec-

tomy. For her, the treatment was dis-
abling while it lasted. '
In addition to her partner, whom
Altobelli describes as “my "strengt ”
and who “took on everything” by being
the breadwinner, the cook, doing the
laundry, and doing the shopping,
Altobelli also turned to contacts in the
lesbian community who had cancer as
well. She knew many of these women, ’
including Grossman, in the community
but had never been close before the
cancer. She ended up finding a sort of
informal support group with three other
lesbians in the community with cancer,
who provided support and helped coor-
dinate meals for her and her partner.
Altobelli also found that being’a les-
bian made it easier to deal with having
a mastectomy. “It was not at all an issue
for me,” she says. She believes that
having a woman partner made it easier
for her partner to understand what she

was going through. “She was extremely
present and supportive,” Altobelli says
of her partner. “I’m not sure that hetero-
sexual women get that same ‘type of
support from their husbands.”

While every woman’s experience with
cancer is always unique, it does seem
that some lesbians in Vermont have'bet-
ter resources: more open doctors and a
strong lesbian community. There’s
always room for improvement — whether
it’s dispelling stereotypes about feminini-
ty, creating stronger resources for women

' who may not be as connected to a lesbian

community, or educating health care pro-
fessionals about the specific needs of the
queer community — but Grossman, for
one, is thankful to be in Vermont. “I’m
very glad I’m in Vermont,” she says, “We
have a small community and I think we
have a good cancer center with doctors
who are very experienced, and so we’re
lucky about that.” V