,,PH0€NIX RISIG * spirited jewelry it gifts it gallery Practice limited to male clientele THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE William Coil, NCMT V L 802'658-2390 800°830'5025 onlie, visit Howard's , fun-filled web site... ‘ ...on mugs, mousepads, clocks 8' shirts! I Gay cartoonist Howard Cruse* has been having fun with his drawings —and so can you! WW\A’.Ca.f€PI‘€SS.C011\»=/,~C usegoodies u w i you're lg Jtike Growing Up in (with) Queens queer families can completely transform a small seaside fish- ing resort! Yes, 400 queer families have once again descended on Provincetown for the 10th anniversary of Family Week. Gay, dads with one, two, three, and even seven, yes seven, children in tow. Lesbian moms pushing dou- ble strollers holding twins, couples round with babies on the way. Babies held in carriers close to their bodies, toddlers up on shoul- ders bouncing, small children pulled’ in bicycle carriers behind fast-pedaling dads trying to figure out how to stay fit while parent- ing It is truly amazing how 400 And oh those teens and pre- _ teens: many have that classic teenage bored look, as if standing on street comers with drag queens who are in heels and make up and flashing pasties encouraging peo- ple to come to their evening per- - formance, is just so regular, so blasé, so “whatever” that it’s not worth discussing. Others have that absolute directed intensity of activist youth; they make fierce eye-contact while offering to shake your hand and discuss the need for sex education in the pub- lic schools, or how sad and" painful it is to have your gay dad die of AIDS, especially when your school doesn’t want you to talk about it. Our children, growing up and taking on the world. Family Week, produced by the Family Pride Coalition (www.fam- ilyprideorg), has been a refuge for LGBT families, one of the very few places we go where our rainbow families are bell-curve normal. Same-sex headed fami- lies, mixed-race families, gender- bent expressions are the norm; kids play on the beach, digging for crabs, rafting on the ocean, while their parents discuss how to raise issues of diversity and homopho- bia within the school systems. As we were leaving this year, friends crowded around the van, yelling “drive safe” and “see you next year,” blowing kisses and waving, a friend playfully asked, “What about this scene is like say- ing goodbye when I was kid growing up in Queens, and what is so very different?” We all laughed (a group of expatriate ethnic New Yorkers); indeed, much was the same forty years later. We all talked loudly and at the same_ time, we had left over food packed up to take home (albeit in coolers, not shopping bags), we said good- bye about 50 times before we ‘actually left (and thencame back because we forgot something). We had taken the best of our family gatherings, legacies from the old countries our grandparents fled, seeking a better life. We had given our children that same wonderful summer feeling we remembered from our youth of sunfand water, good food and wild fun, and lots of loving parental arms to run to when the inevitable children’s squabbling began or to wipe away . the tears when a boo-boo hap- pened. ’ But, for all our regular-ness, we are not just an average group Our children are safe here in P-town, playing, praying, dancing, and even doing drag — not because children of queer people want to do drag any more than any other children might, but because they can A if they want to. of dads and moms. My friend who asked the question has been in a 30-year relationship with his male partner. They are two white men who adopted their African- American daughter at birth, a wild and strong-willed child, who plays baseball with_a fierce intensity, challenging boys years older. Their daughter has a pen-pal, an older African-American girl who is leaving for college this year. She too is the ‘daughter of a white gay male couple who have also been together for 30 years. Her parents were the first gay couple to adopt in New York State, paving the way for all of our fami- lies, and their daughter is now a fierce advocate for gay—parented families. My friends pose for pic- tures, two white dads, their arms lovingly protecting their Black daughter, her long hair neatly plaited, painting a new portrait of the American family. During Family Week we attended synagogue services. We sat with LGBT families, represent- ing all colors of the rainbow, for- ever changing the face of Judaism. We also attended the COLAGE (Children of Lesbian and Gays Everywhere, www.colage.com) dance, watching our children all dressed up, one young boy in out- rageous drag, madly, crazily, danc- ing with joyful, youthful abandon. Our children are safe here in P- town, in this little town on the edge of the Atlantic Ocean, play- ing, praying, dancing, and even doing drag — not because chil- dren of queer people want to do drag anymore than any other chil- dren might, but because they can if they want to. They can collect hermit crabs (as long as they throw them back in-the water afterwards); they can play competitive baseball (even if_ they are girls with neatly braided hair); they can wear yarmulkes on their not so neatly dreadlocked hair (and not be the only one); and they can dressup in heels and wigs with their parents cheering them on, making fashion sugges- tions. That is quite different from the way it was when I was grow- ing up on the streets of Queens! (Okay, it was really Brooklyn). So the queens and dykes, from Queens and Brooklyn, are in a ~ family way, keeping the best from the past, and building a future for. our children. V Arlene Istar Lev, LCSW, CASAC is a family therapist, activist, and lesbian mom to two handsome sons. Find her on the web at www.choicesconsulting. com and wwwproudparentingcom (search: