Don’t get scared, Get Tested Bttrlirzflttm. 361 Pearl St. M2152. Jzme 27 9-7 Taesdtty J tme 28-Fri. ,Iz.1l}* 1 9-5 800-6-‘[9-2-13‘7 Monwelier 73 Main Suite -101 June 27th 1-3 PM 800- 649-243 7 St. A [bans 2 0 H on glztorz Street Mzrrzrlrzy J 1.: ne 27111. I 2-2 pm. 8()2-52-L 797 0 i Nlen \V'h() have Sex with .\‘Ie11 account for =app:*()xi111at.cly 4-2% of all new HIV infections and 6()% of new infections among men. National HIV’ Testing Day June 27th Rutland 27 Soztth .-lvlain. 51.‘. Mon. Jzme 27:}: = 1-3 and 6-8 pm Wed June 29 10-6 802-775-5884 St. . olmsburi; 1235 Hospital Dr. Suite 1 .-Mtirz. Jame 2-7th 8-4 802- 7 -9061 100 Main St. Suite 220 Momlay J in-re 27th 11-} 802-334-6707 VERMONT z£am.mm-an $.42 .e.a‘m'w'ac.nm¢-m Vdstnnfinn fi4=rv¥r".u« MPM-OITMMPM-«O|TMMPM~O|TMMPM~OlTMMPM~OlTM 8 hi y-sixth Anniversary y friends the innkeep- ers are retired now. They_fill their days like many older couples do, with gar- dening, traveling, spending time with friends. They were spending time with their nice Republican lady friend one day recently and happened to mention that they were celebrating their 36th anniversary. 8 The Republican looked thoughtful, then commented, “Thirty-six years is a long time.” She had obviously never thought of them having the stability and longevity of a married couple, possibly because marrying each other is against the law in Oregon. In the ensuing conversa- tion, the nice Republican lady was taken aback again when the couple referred to prior relation- ships. She’d also never thought of either of them with other women. And this was someone who had known them for years. Who could fault her? You never see our names in the paper and a sappy wedding pic- ture on top of the T.V. Especially 36 years ago, no gilt invitations were sent out and no one threw rice. That was around the time my senior year lover and I moved in together. We had twin beds — so no one would Know. Far from announcing ourselves to the world, we purposely hid both our relationships and ourselves. People like this nice Republican lady had never heard the words gay, together and 36 years in the same sentence then — and they still have not now. The only time non-gays even knew they were looking at a lesbian couple was when one of us appeared very, very butch, and then sometimes the straights were wrong — because who hasn’t seen a cute little number in the gro- cery store’ and smiled in greeting, only to realize the pack of kids and the father rounding the cor- ner belonged to her. Whoops. One of the innkeepers reminded me of the signals we used to use. It was heavy breath- ing in her neck of the woods, or a hiss, when one of her crowd spot- ted a likely sister. I used to dis- play a pinky finger, a gesture once associated with gay men, to sound the alert. Yes, I was say- ing, there, look, another one of us! Though we never seemed to see as many as we needed to in order to come to full acceptance of ourselves. I wonder what it feels like to belong to the dominant ' society. There must be a sense of ease instead of a constant aware- ness of difference. There must be a freedom to speak the words that describe their lives instead of that instinctive lowering of the voice when saying “lesbian,” “my part- ner-she” or “our bed.” I wonder how it feels to have automatic approval from one’s family for at least one’s gender preference. Instead, as one of the innkeepers said, we have a tradition of “Keep your mouth shut.” What a have since had the privilege of meeting these women, over and over. I thought I’d made them up — I didn’t know that really hap- pened! None were widows, but all came to recognize their les- bian selves after decades of mar- _ riage to males. One of these cou- ples has now been together over 20 years after coming out, with each other, in their 60s. The cou- ple I met most recently has about three years under their belts, one having come out late in her 60s and the other early in her 705. Is the straight world ready to hear about old women coming out, about the heterosex- ual divorces at age 70 that result? These things are just not talked > about. As a result, that nice Republican lady really had to grapple with the fact that her innkeeper friends have spent a lifetime together. Maybe in 14 years the world will have pro- gressed to the point that the innkeepers can get their pictures in the paper for their golden anniversary. In the meantime, at least lesbians can celebrate their I wonder what it feels like to belong to the dominant society. There must be a sense of ease instead of a constant awareness of difference; bummer of a way to live. No wonder those of us who dared get mad threw ourselves into gay lib- eration. That’s another of the things the innkeepers’ nice Republican lady friend didn’t get — she said she’d never thought of either of them being with other women. She had not a lick of consciousness that the retired innkeepers have a history with each other, before each other and as part of a huge population of women like themselves who all kept the secrets and all used the coded language and all had, at one time or forever, loving rela- tionships. _ I was reminded recently that I once wrote some stories about two widows who met in senior housing and fell in love. I longevity. Happy 36th “anniver- sary to the retired innkeepers and to all the other gay couples who have managed to live happily ever after — while keeping their mouths shut. V Copyright Lee Lynch 2005. Lynch’s 12th book, the novel Sweet Creek, will be released from Bold Strokes Books in January 2006. Lynch lives on the Oregon Coast. Her web page is at http://leelynch6.tripod.c0m.