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was in a spelling bee and I
could not spell “veterinarian.”
I was mortified because I am a
veterinarian. It was just a varia-
tion of my lately all-too-common
unprepared-for-school dreams.
Usually, there is an exam the next
day and I have not been to class
and don’t even own the textbook.
Sometimes, there is a big project
due and I don’t know anything
about it because I have not been
to class.
Can you spell stress??
They say you shouldn’t
do more than one of these “major
life events” at a time: change a
job, move, get married, have med-
ical issues. In typical we-can-do-

I had a dream the other night. I

it-all fashion, my partner and I are A

starting a new business, buying a
house, renovating that house,
moving, and getting married. out
of town, all within about one
nanosecond this year. Did I men-
tion the newly discovered growth
in my uterus? Surgery is recom-
mended. Needless to say, I have
lots of dreams that scream
“worry,” and I often wake with a

 

her serenity in the midst of our
chaotic little world. Now and
then, I’m perturbed that nothing
seems to aggravate her.

Before I met Becky, I
remembered my dreamslonly a
few times each year. I was envi-
ous of people who would come to
work and discuss their latest
imaginary nighttime escapade. It
seemed there was a second life
out there and I was missing it.
Almost as soon as I met Becky,
after literally decades of vacant
nights, my dream life came to be.
Fun dreams, scary sometimes, lots
of detail, and I remembered them,

In typical we-can-do-it-all
fashion, my partner and I

are starting a new business,  
buying a house, renovating
that house, moving, and 7
getting married out of town.

start — do we have enough rooms
reserved for our out-of-town wed-
ding guests? Did the bank get the
escrow agreement? When can the
contractor start construction?
Does the logo for the new busi-
ness make sense?

My partner does not
worry. Period. Can you spell
Libra? She’s very patient with my
bottomless pit of concerns and
endless lists. Even in the middle
of. the night, she patiently hears
all my “what—ifs” before returning
to her oh so easy—to—reach snooze
cycle. Sometimes I’m jealous of

sometimes several times a night. I
loved them all because, finally, I
had my own dream world. We
still wake in the night to tell each
other about the latest feature at
the astonishing in-your—own-head
cinema.

Now, I wonder when my
final-exam-and-I—cannot-find-the-
classroom-dreams might taper off.
Maybe once we get the business
going? Nah, I’ll fret about my
clients and patients as long as I
practice.

Surely closing on the
house and getting our stuff out of

How Do You Spell
‘Stress?  

storage will help. Not necessarily.
We’re trading in our easy monthly
rent for a higher mortgage and
those unpredictable homeowner
expenses.

Okay, maybe getting our
wedding into the history book
will put myimind at ease. Ah, but
that might not be so easy. I’m an
Episcopalian and, as you may
know, the Episcopal Church is
trying to shred itself at the seams
over whether or not my partner
and I can marry. With famine,
war, AIDS, and school shootings
(can you spell the Rapture?), our

_ church is arguing over whether or

not there is too much love in our
household.

_ Better yet, I’ll play a
trick on my -mind to rid myself of
this stress. One by one, I’m going
to focus on each ridiculous con-
cern. As I identify these self-
indulgent worries, all of which are
a product of how truly lucky I am,
I’m going to mentally shift therih
out of my head and intothat
unwelcome little mass in my
uterus.’ Can you spell visualize?
And then, I’m going to ‘have the
mass removed. Surgeons like to
boast that “to cut is to cure.”
Maybe my “fibroidectomy” will
also cure my insomnia.

In any case, getting up
in the middle of the night after
one of those crazy dreams, I

sometimes pull out the tablet and A

write about whatever is in my
head. Now and then, it even turns
into an article for Out In The
Mountains — like this one.

My partner? She
patiently asks if everything is
okay when I flip on the light._
Quietly she returns to her dreams

'  and in her dreams, I guess

she’s always prepared for school,
or she just takes it in stride any-
way. A

A Ah, “to sleep, perchance
to dream.” V

Susan McMillan is the assistant
editor of OITM. She, her partner
and their four-footed companions
are moving to Mills Point. The
surgery was a success.

 

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I call toll—free from in Vermont
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I or visit us on-line at

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* The Vermont AIDS I-Iotline is open weekdays, 8:30-4:30.
(For information 24/7,cal1 the National AIDS Hotline
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