out in the mountains ‘i l’~lii\| l l\l‘.l\l.li.'\, ;.\t‘tnt‘ st» tit;~i«,.\': —{i~i..x~t'i.i.-i.\‘i.‘j city Marslfict is bavino 2 Tropical. Day in januaisyl ‘imirl miziiiiziiéti ()~.-.i1etl (irnuqrv Mort; .sl.'r_' Sf“ ‘I mom TiiE’CONNEC‘i‘lCiJ'l‘ RIVER ‘ ' ~ TOTHE CANADIAN BORDER REAL ESTATE msuiwecs I79MainStneet¢DcrbyVcrmont05829 i phone(802) 766-2401 1-800-243-2401 fax 766-4731 * T Lagontai V is \\ w.i' -at (‘S‘l:ll('\’(‘i'ili0iil.(‘t)lii y cell phone makes calls out and receives calls. No games. SMS. voice memo Logos‘. graphics or predic- tive text input. its probably got an address book. but l haven't figured out how to use it. The thought of seeing my girl on a tiny screen when I call her from the store to ask if we need bread or yogurt makes me feel a little overwhelmed by the Star Tnekkiness of it all. What‘s next — will we be walking through holograms of spouses in the grocery aisles? Will kids in gro- cery carts be watching Schrek 23 on kiddie cell phones instead of shrieking at the checkout stands‘? I remember being a bit scomful at my mother's inability to get with the program as electronic devices began to take over the world. When she died this year at age 96 she still hadn't a clue how my brother and I could talk to each other over the lntemet. even though l once sat her down and had her send a message. What I am begin- ning to realize as I get older is that she probably didn't much give a hoot how the lntemet worked. Or cell phones. Or even portable phones. There just comes a time when one wants to say. "Enough with the gadgets." I mean. why would someone want to read a book on an electronic device? I don’t think I'm being old-fashioned when I say that there isn't much in the way of inventions that can beat a printed paper book. What are they trying to improve on — is it too much effort to turn a page? Aren't books _ portable? Simple to use? Pleasant just the way they are? A really good book has a certain heft and smell to it that no plastic device can beat. Then there are DVDs. Videos and VCRs are advanced enough for me. Movie theaters played their part in my adolescent love life, but now I'd rather hold hands with my girl on the couch in our living room. It's annoyingly hard to fast forward or reverse a DVD and if you do stop the disk it’s often a struggle to start again from the same spot. I speak as an observer, however. I can't get past the remote control thingies. I remember when turning on the TV required walking across the room Amazon Trail: to a big wooden console and rotat- ing a dial. Now you have to be an ambidextrous, multitasking pro- gramming geck to operate the little box. or should I say. the flat panel. big screen. high-definition plasma video display. It‘s not that I am trying to be cumiudgconly. but it's hard to imagine that all these gimmicks have a true value to anyone but the people who make money on them. spending hours balaiiciiig Iii) lap- top (another necessity I and the iiiL‘iilt)r_\' stick reader on in_\ lap while tr) ing to store digital treas- ures til cybcr space. rctriese thcm. lcani a photo program. crop. inim- mile and create folders — when I only wanted to snap and send. I failed Digital Caniera l(ll . and deposited the gadget in my already-l'ull electronic toy dr.iv.cr. That's not a little desk drawer. it's a big file-cabinet drast- cr lull of Things I Will l-athoni Some Day. ()r have gotten bored with. This week. though. the concrete pad was poured lot’ my office. I was so excited that I retrieved the digital camera from its barren exile and snapped a cou- ple of pictures of the drying cement. determined to c-mail them to my soon-to-be enthralled friends. Then l marched into the house. slipped the memory stick into the I can't even read the face of a watch if it's also a digital compass-stopwatch-dual alarm with a flashing lndiglo beeping 200 lap chronograph - as advertised In $131; magazine. Wouldn't it be better to save all that money for the rainy day that's coming when the smanass in the White House decimates social security? I can't even read the face of a watch if it's also a digital com— pass-stopwatch-dual alarm with a flashing lndiglo beeping 200 lap chronograph — as advertised in Simple magazine. What brought on this anti-widget attack was talking with a friend about her partner's battle with a combination digital camera- binocular. I remembered buying my digital camera, pretty sure it would mend my broken heart. resolve my financial problems. bring about world peace and maybe even be fun. I saw mysclfc-mailing pic- tures of my home and dramatic seascapcs to faraway friends and family. I did not picture myself reader, ignored the instruction man- ual. and when the bare bones photo program came up. I cropped, reduced and sent. Suddenly. it was so simple! Maybe — could it be pos- sible? — maybe I can learn to enter numbers into my ccllular's address book. Maybe ljust could learn to operate at least one remote control. But I draw the line at an Apple 4 GB Mini Pink iPod l just saw at amazon.com. At least. not in pink. V Copyright 2004 I10 L_VIl(.‘h. l.ym'Ii is the author u_/'0/vvwi him/is inclmling The Swaslibucklcr and the Mortoti River Valley Trilogy. S/ll’ lives on the ()r(*gim Cnusl. Hm‘ web page is (I! hllp://Iz'z'I_wi¢'Ii6. Iripm/.<'uni. .. .i_.:uAIn'.nIn$'.&. -~u=a.w.ww.-«-......u.——-sziv .