As

ell, who would have
guessed it? John Kerry
pulls an increasingly

moribund campaign out of the
deep-freeze by out-jousting
President Bush in the first presi-
dential debate. And the Reverend
Jimmy Swaggart threatens to
murder any gay man who thinks
about going marital on him.
Both cases involve peo-

, ple who really need to take a

good, hard look at themselves in
a mirror. Specifically, President
Bush should definitely review his
facial expressions that the TV
split screen caught whenever
Senator Kerry was speaking. I’ve
seen more appealing expressions
on an orangutan. (Remember the
TV series “BJ and the Bear” from
the 80s?) I could barely listen to

i the to the men speak, because I

was laughing so hard at the
President’s angry, befuddled,’ and
total1y—over—it expressions shown
on the split—screen. It seemed to
me that the President should have
outsourced his facial expressions
that night. Sure, Kerry “won” the
debate but those Bush poses?
Priceless.

And as for Swaggart ~
please! Has he seen himself in a
mirror lately? I can’t imagine
there are many men lining up at
his door, ready to drop to one
knee (to propose marriage, of
course). Besides, if Swaggart’s
past history is any indication, any
such male suitor would have to
catch up to Swaggart in the com-
pany of the latest female prosti-
tute he happens to be caught
with. Not exactly a recipe for gay
marital bliss. ‘

In case you missed it,
what I’m talking about are
Swaggart’s comments on his syn-
dicated television ministry. He
said on a September 12 broad-
cast, “I’ve never seen a man in
my life that I wanted to marry.
And I’m going to be blunt and
plain: if one ever looks at me
like that, I’m going to kill him
and tell God he died.” The con-
gregation laughed and applauded.
Suggesting murder is, after all,
classic comedy.

Of course, one wonders

 

 

about the basic intelligence (or
lack thereof) of a man who could
think it would even be a semi-
intelligent comment to say that
he’s never seen a man that he

wanted to marry. Could it perhaps"

be because he’s NOT GAY?
Hello!? Paraphrasing an old cam-
paign slogan, “It’s the sexual ori-
entation, stupid!”

But the suggestion of
killing a gay man wasn’t funny. It
was troubling, at best. In fact, it
troubled a Canadian citizen
enough to make a complaint to
the Canadian Broadcast Standards
Council, while an,American gay
rights group asked the‘IRS to
review the tax-exempt status of
Swaggart’s ministry. The
American FCC, which fined the
CBS television network $500,000
for Janet Jackson’s Booby-gate
incident at the Super Bowl, was
notably silent. Apparently, it’s
bad to show an attractive black
woman’s breast, but it’s okay to
advocate murder of gay folks.

And that’s the problem
with the Swaggart comment.
When the‘ sort of conduct that
Swaggart suggested is remotely
acceptable in public speech, it
plants the idea in people that, “If
he says it on TV, it must be
okay,” when in fact, it’s not okay
— and when the likelihood is that
young men in the listening audi-
ence will take away the message
that they should kill a man who
looks at them the wrong way.
After all, thousands of people lis-
ten to what Swaggart has to say.
God only knows why, if you’ll
pardon the expression.

Predictably, Swaggart
said he meant it as a “humorous
statement.” Oh, yeah. As a

the mountains

    Cheek:
een on TV

humorist, I often suggest murder
to get my best laughs. Makes
total sense. Swaggart also said,
“If it’s an: insult, I certainly didn’t
think it was, but if they are
offended, then I certainly offer an
apology.” First question: “IF” it’s
an insult? Second question: Was
that really an apology? I can’t
tell.

Imagine, for a moment,
if he had said instead that he’d
never seen a “Black” or “Jew” he
wanted to marry, and that he
would kill any one that ever
looked at him that way. Do you
think there would have been more
universal condemnation of his
comments? Do you think he
would even have said it? And I
think that’s the outrage.

In odd contrast to
Swaggart’s televised mouth mal-
function, we’ve just seen a Vice
Presidential debate where, for the
first time ever, gay marriage was
discussed. Sure, it was Senator
John Edwards who supported
partnership rights for gays
(though not marriage, which he
believed, singing the Kerry cho-
rus, “is between a man and a
woman”). And Edwards, not Vice
President Cheney, mentioned that
Cheney had a gay daughter. (It’s
easy to be courageous when it’s
not your own child.)

But more telling, when
Cheney was given an opportunity
to respond to Edwards’ comments

and to defend President Bush’s

support of the federal anti-gay-
marriage amendment, he instead
thanked Edwards for his kind
words about Cheney’s family —
and then he shut up. He refused
to further defend the Bush
am’endment. I think his silence
then was more eloquent than any-
thing else he said that night.-
Who would have ’

guessed it? And I saw it on TV.V

Kevin Isom is the author of It
Only Hurts When I Polka and
Tongue in Cheek and Other
Places, available at bookstores
and online. He may be reached at
is0morzline@aol.c0m or
Kevinlsomcom.

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