To

 

Wedding Ups & Downs

hoorahs and wedding bell blahs
lately.

On the hoorah side, I
think we’re inching closer to win-
ning the culture war. How do I
know this? Two staples of life:
insurance and comics. First, in the
Sunday comics, I recently saw a
Beetle Bailey strip — one of the
longest running and most, one
would think, socially conservative
out there — in which the old gener-
al’s wife is reading the paper and
announces, “I think I’m in favor of
same sex marriages.” To which the
general replies, leaning over her
chair, “How about ‘some sex’ mar-
riages?” Simple, to the point,
humorous, and, if you’ll pardon the
word, straightforward. When you’ve
made it into Beetle Bailey, you can
make it anywhere.

And speaking of places
where if you make it, you can make
it anywhere, let’s turn to New York
and to another staple — and some-
time bane — of life, insurance. It
seems that insurance giant GEICO
(the one known for the often funny
ads with their mascot, the gecko)
has agreed to extend spousal auto-
mobile coverage to same sex hus-
bands/wives. Now here’s the tricky
part: it seems that a gay couple who
live in New York (which doesn’t
have legalized same sex marriage)
got married in Canada (which
does). But since New York’s
Attorney General (yet another gen-
eral) has opined that New York law
recognizes same sex marriages that
are performed in jurisdictions where
they’re legal, New York recognizes
the same sex marriage performed in
Canada. And thus, so did GEICO.

On the blah side, of
course, the U.S. Senators from the
increasingly fundamentalist-domi-
nated Republican Party (hardly the
big tent party of President Reagan
anymore, is it?) decided to bring the
anti-gay marriage constitutional
amendment to a vote in the Senate
before the November elections.

I’ve been having wedding bell

 

isom

They didn’t win, but they may have
stained a few Democrats in the
process by forcing them to stake out
positions that will be perceived as
pro-gay. My thinking is that the
attempt may well backfire. These
culture warrior Republicans would
do well to read the comics — and
check their insurance before pro-
ceeding.

On a personal note, I’m
experiencing my own wedding ups
and downs. A few weeks ago, my
best fi'iend, Pelka, announced that
her boyfriend of four years had pro-
posed. She’s getting married. I was
thrilled for her. He’s a great guy
with a dry sense of humor, even if
he is British.

Then I realized that she’s
getting married. Before me.

I always figured that I
was more likely to sleep with a
priest before her, and she was more
likely to get married in front of one
first. Looks like I was right on both
counts. (No, he wasn’t from one of
those celibacy-requiring denomina-
tions, but after a few dates 1 real- _
ized I’d make a terrible minister’s
wife. I’m far too opinionated. And
not very good at keeping my opin-
ions to myself.)

But my best friend getting
married marks the first time that
there will be a line of demarcation
between us. Partly because I

CAN ’T yet get married legally, and A

partly because I’m not ready to. Up
until now we’ve both been single,
or we.’ve both had serious long-terrn

boyfriends and significant others,
though not always at the same time.
This will be different.

At least I don’t have to
worry about her having children and
drawing the line of demarcation fur-
ther. (Most of my friends who have
had children tend to disappear into
their own inwardly focused worlds
for, oh, about 18 years.) But I don’t
think that will be the case with
Pelka. At her age (officially, 29),
she’s probably older than she’d
want to be to have a child. So I
might actually get there first. At my
age (officially, 33), I’ve begun to
think about adopting an older child.
My significant other was adopted,
and he’s made me realize how many
wonderful children there are out
there who need a loving home. I’ll
keep that option open.

But for the moment, I’1l
bask in the joy of my best friend’s
upcoming nuptials. There’s a lot
we’ll have to figure out. A

Since she ’s getting mar-
ried in England, we’ll be doing a bit
of a number on British traditions.
We’ve settled on the title of
Gentleman of Honor for me (I
wouldn’t look right in a Maid of
Honor dress, I’m afraid), though it
remains unsettled whether or not I
will hold her bouquet during the
ceremony. Also, under English tra-
dition, only the groom’s Best Man
gives a toast at the reception, but I
can tell you (given the aforemen-
tioned opinionated-ness), that I will
not sit idly by without my own toast
to my best friend.

I may have to borrow
from Beetle Bailey, And wish her —
and him — the happiest of “some
sex” marriages. V

Kevin Isom is the author of It Only
Hurts When I Polka and Tongue in
Cheek and Other Places, available
at bookstores and online. He may
be reached at is0monline@aol.com

Transition

cont’d from previous page

is usually an internal acceptance
that this is something that must
change. When we reach this accept-
ance we seek out ways to bring
those we love into the true side of

our life that we have kept from
them. This is a process of trying to
complete our lives, trying to start to
finally live. As we live, more fully,
we are freer to express our love,
more free to contribute to the loving
relationships to which we belong.
Why do we do what we

do? Love and life. Transition is a
life process for the transsexual, not
a choice. It is filled with love, strife,
and hope. We are living. V

Sierra Burke lives and writes in
Central Vermont.

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