W‘ I“ ‘ha meumaine in Cheek: Ov t Rainbow ately, I’ve been hearing a I very strange sound. No, it’s ot the creaking of my rebel- Iious joints when I do lunges at the gym. It’s the tick-tock sound of gay male biological clocks sound- ing off across the country. Yes, it appears some of us have them, too. Think “surrogate,” the next wave — or should I say “labor pain” — in gay child-bearing. And lately, I’m seeing anawful lot about it in the press, too. Who SAYS we can’t reproduce? As it happens, a few months ago, I did my own research on the subject. Yes, adop- tion is always an option — and a great one for both kids and par- ents, let me be clear — but I won- dered about the prospective dad or dads — who might want a biologi- cal connection to the child. What about them? The options, it seems, child but use a donor egg, which is fertilized in a Petri dish some- where and then implanted in the surrogate (this is called gestational surrogacy). I don’t want to think too hard about the mechanics in any of this, but it’s there. The Petri dish option is, understandably, more expensive. And I noticed that the highest priced agencies seemed The screening process is straightforward, the arrangements are made for you, and then a child is on his or her way. Signed, sealed, and delivered. they are a-growin’! I started my research by typing in the word “surrogate” into an Internet search engine (my thinking being that typing in “how to knock up your best female friend” might not get the right responses), and I was shocked by the response: hundreds and hun- dreds of agencies, clinics, lawyers, and message boards for prospec- tive surrogate moms and dads. My favorite name for a service? “Ova the Rainbow.” You think I’m kid- ding, but trust me, it’s there. In California, of course. With a surrogate, you are essentially paying a woman to Carry your child. And this nine month ride comes with two options: either you can use her egg (this is garden-variety surrogacy), Or you can use her to carry the to be in Beverly Hills. I guess all those Hollywood actresses want to avoid stretch marks, and the law of supply and demand applies. So avoid Hollywood, if you’re surro- gate shopping. There are actually surro- gate and egg-donor profiles, some with photos (of the surrogates and donors, I mean, not the eggs), on the web sites. It’s virtually point- and-click parenthood. The screen- ing process is straightforward, the arrangements are made for you, and then a child is on his or her way. Signed, sealed, and delivered. (If only long-terrn relationships could be so easy.) ' Of course, as I began to ponder the surrogacy option (and for me, pondering is a dangerous sport), I wondered about unexpect- ed offshoot industries from- the surrogacy option. Take music, for example. Maybe it would be help- ful to have music to get the donors and surrogates in the right mental state, the right mood, if you will. There would be classic songs, like “For Your Thighs Only” and “I Only Have Ice For You.” For the ’80s retro set, there’ would be the Olivia Newton John classic, “Let’s Get Cervical.” And with the most emotional times of the year in mind, there would be the Thanksgiving classic, “Gobble, Gobble, I’m Basting in Your Love.” But I digress. Seriously, more and more guys are shelling out the bucks for the surrogacy option. Just last year, in fact, the Lexington Herald-Leader in Lexington, Kentucky, reported on the birth of quadruplets there. Now, while the birth of quadru- plets IS news in Kentucky, the interesting part was that the quads were born to a surrogate mother and a local attorney, who will be raising them with his male domes- tic partner. In Lexington, KY. Not San Francisco (the ‘Homeland of our People) or New York City or L.A. Right smack in the middle of America. The men, both in their 30s, are about to have their hands full for, oh, about the next 21 years or so. (Clearly, their bun in the oven came with plenty of yeast.) The great part about their experience is that this couple had another relatively new choice about how to create their family and how to live their lives. A whole new possibility is out there for gay men. It’s just somewhere ova the rainbow. V Kevin Isom is the author of It Only Hurts When I Polka andlbngue in Check and Other Places, available at bookstores and online. He may be reached at z'somonIine@ aol.com or www.KevinIsom.com. YOU'VE HAD UNPROTECTED SEX OR SHARED A NEEDLE SINCE YOUR LAST TEST, NOW IS THE TIME TO GET AN HIV TEST. IF YOUVE NEVER BEEN TESTED, OR IF YOU’VE HAD UNPROT IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TESTED, OR B? YOU'VE HAD UNPROTECTED SEX OR A N will on an nrnnn mm: mm rnnrurnr Ir vnu rrsr msnrwr. 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