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reality at the moment. On the

one hand, we ve got all these
unexpected good things happen-
ing in the realm oflegalizing gay
marriage. And on the other hand
(the one I call the shame on you
hand), we ve got a lot of absurdi-
ties in the same realm that, if they
weren t so ugly, would just be
downright funny.

On the up side, mayors
in San Francisco and New Paltz,
New York were marrying gay
folks despite the state laws against
it. What s really interesting is
what actually followed those
courageous actions of a California
Democrat and a 26-year-old
Green Party member: The
Democratic attorney general of
New York, though he ordered
New Paltz to stop the marriages,
went on record as being for gay
marriage. (John Kerry, take note!)
The Democratic mayor of
Chicago, about as far as you can
get from the liberal wing of the
Democratic Party (conservative
commentator George Will noted
that Mayor Daley is about as
radical as a grilled cheese sand-
wich ), mentioned that he would
have no problem if Cook
County (where Chicago is locat-
ed) started issuing marriage
licenses.

Meanwhile, a
Republican county clerk in New
Mexico began issuing marriage
licenses, before she was summari-
ly stopped. Even the mayor of
New York City and the
Govemator of California — both
Republicans — have said, in the
case of the former, that gays
deserve the rights of marriage
through civil unions and, in the
case of the latter, that he would
not object to civil unions for gays.
This is pretty heady stuff, when
the nation s middle — both
Republican and Democrat —
essentially agree that gays should
have the same rights that straight
couples enjoy in marriage.

About the same time, the
city of Portland, Oregon, started
issuing marriage licenses to gay
couples, and gay couples them-
selves are showing up in county
clerks offices around the country
to demand the right to be married,
even if they re being turned down
for those licenses by surprised or

I m feeling a bit divorced from

 

even sympathetic clerks.

It s dizzying to try to
keep up with it all.

Of course, the other side
of the coin is the more tarnished
one. In Georgia, there s a fierce
battle raging over whether to pass
an amendment to the Georgia _
constitution banning gay marriage
(this in a state where education is
ranked nearly last in the nation,
and the Republican state school
superintendent recently started a
firestorm of controversy when she
decided to replace the word evo-
lution in school textbooks with

imposed on us, a tongue-in-
cheek straight male writer to the
local newspaper asked (paraphras-
ing slightly), Will I be forced to
many a man? Do I get to pick
which man? Could I be forced to
marry Senator Crotts? Does the
marriage have to be an expensive
affair? Do I have to pay for the
wedding planner? What happens
to my wife?

Meanwhile, on a nation-
al level, we ve learned a new
twist on an old reality: there s just
nothing worse than when good
Bush goes bad. President Bush is
pushing, doubtless as a wedge
issue in the November election,
an amendment to the US.
Constitution that would ban gay
marriage. The man s got chutz-
pah. Even slavery was never codi-
fied.

But Bush wants to pro-
tect traditional marriage. And I
don t suppose that pointing out
that traditional marriage, from a
Biblical perspective, also included
polygamy (King Solomon alone

Here’s a slogan or two
that Bush could use

in his fight to protect the
sanctity of marriage:

“Silly gays -

adultery is

for straights!”

biological changes over time,
apparently so as not to offend her
constituents, all of whom must
have been extras in the movie
Deliverance — but I digress). The
state senator who introduced the
amendment is — get this — once
divorced, so you have to wonder
which of his marriages he s look-
ing to protect from the gay bar-
barians at the gate.
After reading a quote
from State Senator Mike Crotts, a
sponsor of the Georgia amend-
ment, that, If we re not success-
ful in passing this one, then I
think we re one judge away
from having same-sex marriage

had seven hundred wives and
three hundred concubines —
Laura, watch out!), a requirement
that if one brother dies then the
other brother must marry the
widow (even if the living brother
already has a wife —— again, Laura,
watch out — Jeb s pretty scary),
and even punishment by death for
adultery (Bill Clinton and Newt
Gingrich — watch out!).

Just because I m an
even-handed kinda guy, I thought
I might help Bush out with a slo-
gan or two that he could use in his
fight to protect the sanctity of
marriage. (How about: Silly
gays — adultery is for >>