Bv SUSAN MCMILLAN

‘ ‘ lhave wanted to marry Diana
since the first year we were
together; says Jan, the
words of a loving spouse who flew
2,000 miles to Vermont to do just
that. It was January and 41 degrees
below zero that night. This warm and
charming couple from Texas came in
from the bitter Vermont cold to
declare to God and each other that
they would love, honor, and cherish
one another from this day forward._
My partner and I were lucky enough
to witness this extraordinary event.
And itwas extraordinary.
On a human level, it is amazing that
in a sea of 6.4 billion lives, we are
iuci‘:‘*§ee§’i8i§!gi‘i"‘r‘i3‘ find‘ the (‘me ‘with’ -
whom we are meant to travel through
this lifetime. On a social level it is
remarkable because these were two
women a very long way from home.

How is it in this land of the free that

such an intimate, natural desire to
wed the one you love can be made so
political, requiring such effort?

Jan Kirby and Diana Welch
met five years ago. Their meeting

 

Southern tali, ermt e

was a rather unlikely occurrence in
Houston. It s not all good old boys
and scary white guys, Diana said,
but a big city with an openly lesbian
city councilwoman and a vocal gay
community. However, according to
Jan and Diana, who have lived there
for twenty years, the gay community
is still prejudiced. At most social
gatherings they attend, Kirby, whose
heritage is Czech and African
American, is the only black person
present. In this voluntarily segregat-
ed world, these women might never

A have crossed paths. But they did,

across a crowded room, and it was
magic.

After a couple of years,
having settled into the home they
bought together, with its tangerine
trees, their sweet toothless dog,~and
four"cats’, they siioke of their desire
for a holy union ceremony. As with
many of us, there were emotional
obstacles. Their devotion was unwa-
vering, but how to declare that com-
mitment to the world was trouble-
some. Diana revealed that her

Catholicism got in the way. She
was raised in the shadow of the First
Vatican Council and its doctrine of
papal infallibility. With this upbring-

 

   

 

ing, Welch was not comfortable in
any church congregation. And, after
years of witnessing the break-up of
couples who had held commitment
ceremonies, that path did not hold
any meaning.

Desiring formal recogni-
tion of our commitment, Jan wanted
to be married. She wanted to stand
in front of others, to declare her love
and dedication to their life together

just like everyone else in our

society is permitted to do. When
these women, who longed simply for
public and legal recognition of their
relationship, learned of Vermont s
Civil Union legislation it was just a
matter of logistics.

This planning -— with the
inevitable visit to the Vermont

. Secretary of State website, choosing

a town clerk, and finding a justice of
the peace or clergy —— was undertaken
by more than 5,000 same-sex cou-
ples in the first three years after the
Vermont legislature created civil
unions. Nearly ninety percent of '
those unions involved individuals
from out-of-state. Each year, couples
travel from every single state and
some foreign countries just to par-
take in this government sanctioned

recognition of their partnership. The
hardship that was endured by
Vennonters four years ago during the
painful struggle over civil unions
meant there was one safe place in
this country for thousands of gay and
lesbian couples to officially register
their bond.

. Jan and Dianas trip to
Vermont came together quickly.
They were headed to Baltimore for
an 80th birthday party for Diana s
mom, so why not fly north? Finding
St. Paul s LGBT group on the
Internet led them to Rev. Tanya
Wallace, who agreed to perform their
civil union. They secured the pre-
nuptial counseling required by the
Episcopal Church and soon found
themselves in the chapel at the
Cathedral Church of St. Paul on a
cold Vennont night, surrounded by
strangers.

We were a diverse bunch:
single and partnered, gay, lesbian,
and trans, artists and scientists, old-
time Vermonters and recent trans-
plants. The twelve of us came
together without pre-arrangement,
bearing sparkling wine, potluck
offerings, and even a wedding cake

to witness a love affair made legal, if -

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onlygin Vennont. Weeks later, Welch
told me‘ in her soft southern draw].
It was the best party we could have
ever wanted, better than if we d
planned it for a year.

Now that the party is over,

I wondered if the brief ceremony had ’

impacted their lives. As many newly-
weds confess, Diana said she was
surprised that she really felt married.
It is settled and peaceful, and
reminds her of something a straight
friend told her years ago- that after
she was married she felt that she
could really get on with fulfilling her
potential. Welch continued,‘ I feel
like I have found home, and it is
wherever Jan is. And Kirby offers a
similar uncomplicated sentiment,

I in just as committed, but I feel
more secure now.

How extraordinary —to
feel secure in our personal lives and
lifelong partnerships, to be married.
We have shown we will travel far to
achieve it. Is it really so much to
ask? V

Susan McMillan and her partner
Becky Roberts were California resi-
dents when they were joined in civil
union afier a 17,000-mile road trip.
They are now living in Charlotte.

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