-ow? jgwwwmmwe -‘.‘.n:-xi -‘Eu uu Your Community-Owned Grocery Store Open 7 am - I 1 pm every day 0 802-863-3659 82 South W'mooski Avenue, Buriington We accept manufacturers’ coupons - EBT cards welcome Terry Light Sales & Leasing Consultant Please call 802-660-8099 X-107 (1-800-833-5945) Cell 802-309-0554. or E—mail terry@burlingtoncars.com for information or appointment 333 Shelburne Road, Burlington, Vermont 05401 rlington Subaru Practice limited to male clientele THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE William Coil, NCMT 802-658°2390 800-830-5025 ¢.¢.¢.¢.¢.¢.¢. BOB GREEN, LCMHC LICENSED CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR SOUTH BURLINGTON, VERMONT (802) 658-2390 (800) 830-5025 INDIVIDUALS 8c COUPLES MAGELLAN, VHAP, MEDICAID & MANY OTHER INSURANCE PROGRAMS ACCEPTED down your guard and relaxing. It’s a relief to drop that life- long, protective armor, now that everything’s so much better. After all, Anna and I got married three years ago this September, celebrat- ing our civil union with over a hundred family and friends at Anna’s farm. My kids, Sophie and Noah, held two poles of the chup- pa, Anna’s family held the other two. Our guests gathered in'a semi- circle so we all could see one another while we sang ancient Hebrew psalms of thanksgiving; We made our vows under the wed- ding canopy while the minister urged us to continue working for equal rights and then declared us married. We each smashed a glass while the guests yelled Mazel Tov! — then we ate and danced the night away. Everything was wonderful, right‘? A It’s easy to be lulled into letting Right. Anna and I celebrated our new status by sharing our news, having decided to assume people would be happy for us. After a life- time of hiding, of constant vigi- lance, we told everyone — from the guys at the hardware store to Sophie’s teachers. Mostly our announcement was met with smiles and congratulations —just like any other marriage, I hear you saying. Sometimes there was an‘ awkward silence, but wejust forged ahead. What could anyone say? It was legal: we were married. Last fall I had to go to ‘my twice-a-year mammogram appointment. A straightforward procedure that makes me more than a little anxious, as you can imagine, remembering that my mother died young from breast cancer. In fact, this year I am the age she was when she was diag- nosed —just fifty-three. Which did- n’t seem so youngthen, but which is a terrifying possibility now. ' Anna and I have this dis- cussion twice a year: do I want her to come with me to the appoint- ment? Every time I ask myself, will it be better if I go alone and try to ignore the emotional bag- gage? It’s fine, it’s no big deal, just another appointment. Or would it be better to have Anna come so when I emerge from the examining room she’d be sitting right there, reading a magazine, waiting? xt Kin a no It’s always the same con- versation. Sometimes I decide one way, sometimes the other. This year I decided to go alone. I got to the hospital early, because I like to have time to check in without rushing. I love the local hospital — it's so small and intimate. It’s just over the state line in New Hampshire but so close we consider it our community hospital. The technicians who do the mam- mogram seem to really care when they squeeze so hard it hurts. They apologize while they squeeze even harder and tell you to hold your breath. I know the routine at the appointment desk: name, address, . insurance, next of kin The young woman stared at the com- puter screen while.she asked the questions, verifying my informa- \ him as next of kin. Even though he knows my wishes better than any- one in my family, I have to use my aunt.” She paused, stuck. “But wait a minute, l’ll ask my supervi- sor.” She called over the super- visor, another young woman. They conferred and then turned to me: “We asked the lawyer about this last time it came up and he checked with the State. We can’t use your woman partner. It’s the law — ifyou die at the hospital, we can’t release your body to anybody but your next of kin. Don’t you have someone else who you can list ?” “You mean, if I die dur- ing my mammogram you can’t release my body?” thinking ajoke might help. “No.” ' Well, I think. Of course, I have other people I can list. I could give them the name of my 32-year- old father, or Noah who just turned eighteen. That’d really be fun for him to collect my body. “I’m not mad at you,” I said, hoping to defuse the situation. “But I won’t give you any other name if you won’t take Anna’s. If she were a man and we were mar- ried she’d be my next of kin, right? “I’m sorry to have to tell you this - I don’t agree, but we can't use her name. The state doesn’t allow it.” tion. No changes, everything’s the same. - “Next of kin — Anna? Is this your sister?” “No, she’s myspouse. We’re married.” “What? Oh, I understand. I know what you’re saying. I’m really sorry to have to tell you this — .1 don’t agree, but we can’t use her name. The state doesn’t allow it.” . “But it’s legal.” “I know. I’m really sorry. I’m in the same situation; I have a daughter with the man I’ve lived with for ten years, but I can’t list She’s my legal spouse. If you won’t take her name, I won’t give you a name.” You can keep my damn . body. The appointment clerk ~ erased Anna’s name off the screen and I walked down the hall toward Radiology. V Laurie Levinger lives in Norwich with her daughter Her spouse, Anna lives in northern V T~ they commute between their two homes, enjoying their time separately and together.