“A
great   A 
thanksgiving is possible
without a big house,

a big bird, or a whole day
spent in the kitchen."

  
 

Bv FRAN MORAVCIK

_ anksgiving, all agree, is best spent with
I family. What does this mean for those of
us who may have no living kin, may not
be comfortable in the company of those we
have, or can not afford a long trip to see the
ones we love dearly? If the gay/lesbian etc.
community feels like family to you, why not
celebrate Thanksgiving there?

Fifieen Thanksgivings ago my friend
Al Perkins decided to do just that. She invited
the entire mailing list of the Crones, a social 7’
group for women over age forty, to come to her
place for Thanksgiving. Actually it was to be
held the Sunday before, to accommodate those
who had obligations elsewhere yet wanted to
be with their friends as well. Nonetheless this
was a valid Thanksgiving for the 20 women
who came, and for those who-have attended A
every year since. Only three times have there
been less than 20 guests, and twice there have
been 35, quite a crowd in a 1010 square foot
condo.

Being a lesbian event, it is of course
potluck, but Al has never dictated what is to be
contributed. One memorable year it was all
desserts, to the delight of every inner child.

In accordance with her principles, Al
proclaims this a vegetarian feast. No turkey has
ever died for her table, but a tuna or chicken

salad has occasion-
ally appeared. She
says skeptics who
believed it could
never be
Thanksgiving with-
out turkey have
changed their minds
after experiencing
the day at her house.
There may or
" may not be a tofu
turkey or pumpkin
filled with stuffing,
but there is always
cranberry sauce.
Along the way there
have been alcohol -
free years, but for a
while now a bottle
or two of wine has
joined the cider,
sodas, tea and cof-
fee. However, the
real draw for those who come year after year is
not the food, but the conversation, laughter,
and a chance to relax in congenial company.

As Al’s experience shows, a great
Thanksgiving is possible without a big house, a
big bird, or a whole day spent in the kitchen.
This is not to discourage those of you who
really enjoy recreating the whole Norman
Rockwell scene with two daddies and/or two
mommies, as well as a greatly skewed ratio of
uncles to aunts.

Thanksgiving is the perfect festival

headache come January first next year.

 

with which to begin creating traditions to suit
your lifestyle. It is one hundred percent ,_ 1‘
American without the patriotic posturing, has a;
spiritual component without being religious, [
and, being the first blockbuster event of the _i ,
season, it can set the tone for the tidal wave of»
frantic togetherness which will leave us

washed up on the beach with a splitting

 

So please yourself. Whatever works
for you in the privacy of your own dining rod
is nobody’s business but yours and whomever 
you invite in to share the day with you. . _,

And in the good American tradition 27
you probably do invite people whom you sus- ‘_l
pect might otherwise spend the time alone. 
This generous inclusiveness is really what sets.”
Thanksgiving apart from the usual family din- '.
ner or party within your circle of friends. ' 3

Many are the foreign visitors who
got their first glimpse inside an American
home while facing a giant turkey surrounded 
by its weird carbohydrate companions, passing‘.
the gravy to grandma, and trying to discuss 
football with somebody‘s uncle. For some this 
was the only time they saw that home. No one
would consider an invitation to Thanksgiving":
as implying that all are to be best buddies. fro A
then on. It is a chance for a friendly‘g‘estfiré,’ ,
and even those who must refuse are the happief
for knowing they were '3
thought of.

I would like to add another category”
to your list of possible invitees. How about ' _
askingin some glbt folk who are spending the
long weekend in heterosexual company? Not
for the feast itself, of course, but maybe for.
drinks afterward, a game of Scrabble or Gay’
Trivia, or a muddy hike to burn calories.

I learned of this need from a therapist
who was shocked by mid-winter suicides in ’
our community. She attributed them to depres?
sion starting when they separated from their
normal circle of like-minded people and were
immersed 24/7 in a straight environment. A

Her clients were the glbt students atq‘
large state university, admittedly a special ‘sub-
group, but vulnerable situations can arise at
any age. She recommended‘ that you not spend"
more than three days in straight company with?
out taking half a day off to share private time _
with your partner or find some other way to gel
in touch with the gay world and your own self-
esteem. ’ '

 
 

 

Does hosting Thanksgiving sound
like serious business and a lot of work? I asked’
Al why she kept on doing this, since she has I
returned to having the old-fashioned feast with
her children on the day itself. She says that
is the best-attended Crones event, that it has ‘ V
become a tradition that others expect of her, ’ f
and that to her this is the real Thanksgiving. T0:
which somewhere between 20 and 35 women-V
would say, this year as always,-amen, sister,
amen. V

Fran Moravesik is a Gay Games Gold
Medalist who lives in South Burlington. .