don’t mean to judge, but the pope
lis an asshole.

Not literally, of course.
That oft-vilified anatomical opening
is a vital, natural and good thing. The
Pope himself has one — a fact even
his hole-y-ness’s personal physician
would not “rebutt,” so to speak.

lt’s that very opening, the
one the Holy See denies could ever
be a source of pleasure, that has the
papal panties in a wad. John Paul II’s
new edict tells politicians they have a
“moral duty" to oppose same-sex
marriage. Duty! Doodie is more like
it.

Church and state are sup-
posed to be separate in the U.S., not
conjoined like two-ply Charmin. But,
and I use the term loosely, the Big
Guy warns Catholic politicians that
voting for egalitarian marriage legis-
lation would be “gravely immoral."
In the sphere of political anal-ysis,
the Patriarch’s recent condemnation
of same-sex marriage and gratuitous
defamation of gay people stands out
like swollen hemorrhoidal tissue.

Any leader who tells me I

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can’t marry my own wife is obsessed
with Uranus. We’re married honey,
and we want the civil recognition we
deserve. Popeymon says — and, by
the way, so does our monkey—faced
president (no offense to primates) —
that a solemn and legal vow binding
two women in matrimony is sinful,
that two men legally promising to
care for each other as long as they
both shall live will put the sanctity of
marriage asunder. Infallible Man’s
head is up something other than his
miter.
Thank God(dess) the faith-

ful in the US. Senate, at least, are
defying the Pope on this one.

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No Butts About It

Catholics — by and large intelligent,

loving people who take care of their

families and do good works in their
communities and around the world —
know the Pope does not always speak
the true word of God, whatever that
is. Humans are endowed with a con-
science by our creator, or evolution
or whatever fabulous serendipity got
us here. We get to decide for our-
selves.

When I was thirteen, I slept
over at my Catholic friend Teri’s
house. In the middle of the night she
nudged my sleeping bag. “Come, on,
I’ve got something to show you.”
She led me by flashlight into the
laundry room. High on the shelf,
behind the family-sized box of blue
Cheer, lay an old cigar box. Under
the lid nested the contraband — her
mom’s stash of birth control pills. A
devout Catholic, Teri’s mom marched
her family to mass every Sunday, ‘
sent all her kids to Saint Theresa
School and fixed fish for dinner on
Fridays. But, in l964, when the pill
was a seriously controlled substance,
she used it anyway.

“lt’s a sin. Women are only

 
 

 

uv outing c 11

Atlantic Crossing - Ten

Between noon and 6pm on both days, the UVM Outing Club will be hotding its
first annual OC Fest to benefit the Green Mountain Club!

On Friday night Atlantic Crossing will be doing a contra dance.
Saturday night will have two iive acts performing, Ten Mile Tide from California
and Smokin’ Grass with special guest Gordon Stone from Vermont.

WwW.ocfest.org

Tickets on sale now at the Outdoor Gear Exchange

flee Fires arsenal

  

l\/Iile Tide

 

$10 Student, $15 Public

2

  okin’

&. special guest Gordon Stone

    

est

rass

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supposed to have sex to get preg-
nant,” Teri whispered.

“Who says?” I asked in the
Talmudic tradition of my Jewish peo-
ple.

“The Pope!” End of con-
versation.

Turns out, according to the
well-respected Catholics for a Free
Choice, 96 percent of Catholic
women in the U.S. have used modern
methods of birth control, which the
Head Patriarch still forbids. As a les-
bian, my birth control method is
completely natural, but the Holy .
Father picks on me anyhow. He’s all
up in my business, and I object.

Don’t get me wrong. Along
with the brave senators who opposed
putting archconservative William
Pryor on the bench, I am not anti-
Catholic. I stand with the millions of
open-hearted and fair-minded good
Catholics who champion justice,
world peace and a woman’s right to
protect herself from unwanted preg-
nancy, who demand the ouster of the
bishops and other church high
mucky-mucks protecting priestly
pedophilia, who support opening

  

Good legal advice

can make all the difference.

their doors — and the pulpit — to
everyone, regardless of sexual orien-
tation or gender. Opposing the Pope
is no more anti-Catholic than oppos-
ing Bush is un-American. God Bless
America.

Even though the Pope and
the president are all bound up, the
people are moving on. If there is a
Divine Plan, we are all part of it.
Even the assholes. We can’t trust
some unelected mortal to see that no
one is let’: behind — no pun
intended. V

Add your voice in support ofcivil
marriage for gay, lesbian, bisexual
and transgender couples at

www. Mill 1' ortF orMarriage. org.

Sally S/zeklow teaches at Portland
State University and performs will:
W Y MPRO V l, Oregon Is award-wi/.
ning all-/esbian comedy improv
troupe. Comments can be sent to
sal/y@wympr0v. com

V

Langrock Sperry & Wool offers the services
of 22 lawyers with over 300 years combined experience
in all areas of the law — including two lesbian attorneys
with special expertise serving the legal needs
of the g/l/b/t/q community.

SUSAN MURRAY & BETH ROBINSON

With offices in Middlebury and Burlington
Middlebiiry (802) 388-6356
Burlington (802) 864-0217
smurray@langrock.com brobinson@langrock.com

Langrock Sperry & Wool, LLP

ATTORN

EYS _AT LAW