Scruffy

hen my friend the

Innkeeper told me she

was going to an art
gallery opening a few weeks ago, I
asked ifl could tag along. She
paused for a long moment and l,000
reasons for her hesitation raced.
through my head. “If,” I offered, in a
very small voice, “you don’t mind
going with a scruffy little dyke.”

Immediately, she said,
“I’ve been living with a scruffy little
dyke for 34 years.”

We went on to plan the
excursion. A few minutes later it hit
me. I told her, “Ijust realized what
you really said," and got off the
phone quickly because Ithought I
was going to cry. I was feeling a
huge wave of appreciation for the
good femmes who stay 34 years with
their scruffy little dykes (SLD).

And what is an SLD? It’s a

A “scruffy little dyke”

is a woman
who is not tall,

but not necessarily short,
- who's inclined to

live in blue jeans,

but has a good pair

for dress up,

or at least a clean pair.

I woman who is not tall, but not neces-

sarily short, who’s inclined to live in

_ blue jeans, but has a good pair for

dress up, or at least a clean pair
(some people might look a little puz-

' zled about why my “good pair”

deserves that description). She’s like-
ly to dress very simply, in t-shirts
with short sleeves and maybe» long
sleeves if it’s chilly. In my case I like
to have a few denim or canvas shirts
or work shirts, to protect me from the
sun and because I think a collar looks
spiffier on those occasions when I
need a little spiffing up. Like art
shows.

I know many lesbians no
longer believe in femme and butch

 

because they think this is role-play-
ing, but I have never played a role in
my life; I simply know where I fall.
Was it something in my baby formu-
la? Was it because I adored my big
brother? Is it in my genes? Or maybe

it was because my mother taught me ’

that comfort is one of the greater
virtues. She, of course, talked the talk
and did not walk
the walk, but her
daughter took her
at her word and is a
bra-phobic woman
who dresses like a
skateboarding
teenage boy.
A.K.A. an SLD.
And proud of it.
Yet I have to

wonder why
femmes put up with
us. The Innkeeper
with the SLD part-
ner could hardly
complain if she
wanted to. She tells
the story of the
guest whoasked if
she always wore t-
shirts. The
Innkeeper said,
“No, in the winter I
wear sweatshirts.” '
The difference is
that she wears pret-

ty_ yet interesting sweatshirts decorat-

ed with abstract designs or other
arresting graphics, and her partner
generally goes for solids and hand-
some illustrations embellished with
house paint or sawdust from her
many handy-dyke projects.

Sometimes they share.
They both wearjeans most of the
time. The Innkeeper disdains the time
it takes to “do all that shit,” like
makeup and fancy girl clothes. But
does any femme ever look like an
SLD? No way! She looks well-put
together. How do femmes do that?

Having recently been
thrown over for the dominant society,
I am painfully aware that some

  

Little bykes

women do not put up with us. They
want to change us or they give us a
wide berth. Some lesbians are other-
wise fine partners who were perhaps
brought up in a way that makes liv-
ing with an SLD a trial. Some
women are hi and straddle both
worlds — including the one that
comes equipped with SLDs — with
amazing dexterity.

The women I most admire are the
ones I call the good femmes, the
women who love us partly because
we are scruffy little dykes. They will
straighten a collar with tenderness in
their eyes, walk down the street
alongside us with an unconscious
protective defiance, and gladly avoid
places where we might be made
uncomfortable.

They seem to think, "the
good femmes, that we are beautiful
despite a society that finds us repel-
lent. Some of them enjoy nothing
better than spending time ‘with a gag-
gle of admiring SLDs. They are a
special breed, these femmes, created
to love and be loved by the special
breed. called scruffy little dykes.

The concept of the SLD
has become a family joke now, but
we’ve talked seriously about it too.
The Innkeeper is careful to use the
words “self-proclaimed” before she
uses the SLD term. The best news is
that this good femme doesn’t see us
as SLDs at all. Rather than describ-
ing us as little, or scruffy, she sees us
as women who dress for comfort,
practicality and for our situations,
whether we are painting houses,
dancing till dawn or cooking break-
fast.

What she hasn’t acknowl-
edged knowing is, of course, that we
dress for her. V

Copyright Lee Lynch 2003. Lee
Lynch is the author of eleven books
including The Swashbuckler and the
Morton River Valley Trilogy. She
lives on the Oregon Coast.

  
     
 
   
  
 

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