socIALLY RESPONSIVE HNANCIAL SERVICES SINCE 1985 Practice limited to male clientele THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE William Coil, NCMT 802-658-2390 800-830-5025 .9-o-o-¢~¢-<>~<>- ‘ ’:BiOIB"(§:REEl\I, LCM-HIC LICENSED CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR SOUTH BURLINGTON, VERMONT (s02) 658-2390 (soo) 830-5025 INDIVIDUALS 8: COUPLES MAGELLAN, VHAP, MEDICAID & MANY OTHER INSURANCE PROGRAMS ACCEPTED COUNSELING CENTER OF NORTHERN VERMONT PSYCHOTHERAPY FOR INDIVIDUALS C - Coming Ou 0 Sexual Identity ‘ - Life Transitions - Endings/Loss Bill McBroom ucsw 802.229.5220 Lynn Goyette LCMHC 802.860.6360 BURLINGTON MONTPELIER Wa ieeia Da Makes y gym buddy, Dan, would be excited. I’d just mentioned him in a column so, now he could stop asking, “When are you going to talk about me in some- thing you write?” I headed to the gym, eager to tell him the news. As I checked in, I noticed an announcement taped to the front desk counter. Someone had died and funeral service details were listed. Then, it registered. 1 gasped. It wasn’tjust someone who had passed away, it was Dan. . Earlier in the week, we’d‘ spent a half hour chatting. on side-by-side cardio equip- ment. We’d talked about his new job, preprogrammed prejudice, a here and now. In the blink of eye, here and now can become dead and . gone. And if you haven’t planned for the latter while you’re still in the former, those left behind will have a lot more i to deal with than grief. Just ask Dan’s family. My old friend Kitori can speak volumes on the sub- ject, as well. He’d been dating Ronald for nearly a year. They hadn’t moved in together, yet, though that was being seriously discussed. Ronald traveled to Boston regularly for business. He’d grown up near there and enjoyed the opportunity to spend time with his family, during his work forays. A ~ I During one particularly stressful trip, Ronald had a heart attack in the elevator on the way “Ronny passed away. I put an obituary in the paper at home but I didn’t bother with any here.” Kitori had no words. in the years since then, he’s’taken every opportunity to turn his tragic experience into clear suggestions on how we all can avoid similar situations. “There’s plenty of stuff written about how people in domestic partnerships can pro- tect themselves with legal docu- ments but there is almost noth- ing directed to people who are single or who are in fairly new relationships,” Kitori points out.‘ He encourages his I friends to frequently update their emergency contact information cards in their wallets. He coun- sels that drawing up wills and power of attorney paperwork is only the first step. Keeping the beneficiary information current for all our life insurance policies ' and everything else is equally important. We should get acquainted with and have the phone number of at least one family member for as many of our friends "and romantic com- panions as possible. “It’s easy to buy into the notion — especially when’. 4 I'd asked if he had an organ donor card in his wallet. That got_ a big laugh. few of mypwriting projects and steroid use in major league base- ball. A typical, eclectic mix of topics that made our daily work- outs speed by, filled with con- versation and laughter. Less than twenty-four hours later, Dan was dead. He’d finished his shifi and was get- ting ready to head to the gym, like he did every day, when he had a heart attack. In the blink of an eye, his wife was a widow and his two very young sons were without a dad. What a difference a day makes. As the shock began to wane, I remembered one partic- ular conversation we’d had about his general lack of plan- ning and financial provisions for the future. I’d asked if he had an organ donor card or any other kind of emergency contact infor- mation in his wallet. That got a big laugh. Aside from a few hopes and dreams for his kids, Dan’s purview was limited to up to his client’s office. By the time the doors opened at the floor he’d selected, he was dead. Whengthey were espe- cially busy, it wasn’t uncommon for Kitori and Ronald to go a couple days without seeing each other or talking on the phone. After the third day without a call from Ronald, Kitori was wor- ried. He called the hotel where Ronald had been staying but was told he was no longer a guest. That really kicked Kitori’s concern into high gear. He’d already lefi two dozen messages on Ronald’s answering machine. Kitori had a key to his boyfriend’s apartment but, when he got to the door, it was already open. Ronald’s sisters and their husbands were carting things out like movers with no emotional connection to what they were carrying. “Oh, weren’t you Ronny’s friend?” one of the sis- ters asked Kitori, when she saw him standing in the doorway. we’re young — that being responsible to ourselves and the people in our lives is something that can wait,” Kitori preaches. “But being prepared for acci- dents or death isn’t something we can put off ’til tomorrow.” He’s right. Here, today. Gone, tomorrow. What a difference a day makes. V D. Scott-Bush is work appears I throughout the country E-mail may be directed to NakedCuriosity@a0l. com.