really unhappy with Mom’s inde-
pendent choice to go to nursing
school and become a nurse and have
her own income. Eventually they
split up, but watching that process
helped set me on the road to social
activism.

I took on a caretaker role in
my family and elsewhere. I was
always trying to fix everything. And
then I had to unlearn those behaviors.
You can’t fix other people.
Sometimes you can help them get
skills they need to fix themselves, but
it’s always their job.

I was married for five years
to a wonderful human being, and my
need to “fix” stuff was one area of
challenge for us. '

I think activists start out
doing that — fixing the world. But
really, empowerment and growth are
the eventual goals, and that involves
support, not “fixing.”

I had a hard time coming
out because I had such negative
experiences with other men. I was
sexually abused by a teenager whose
family rented the upstairs of our

Pippin, Not Peter Pan

Radteas were mtrtseepher Erteasfmases étse Era aeaieism was

iakfifijfiimp freer; Iiergennee te kenenrs arse

 

« I - m _>I'-E-'1-‘I5-‘J‘ Hill ft‘ ‘...
BY EUAN BEAR“,

hristopher Kaufman always

loved The Hobbit, to the

point that when he started
growing hair on his legs and feet, “I
was sure that meant I was really
going to become a hobbit — a very
tall hobbit.” He didn’t, but he did
become a Radical Faery named
Pippin (after the hobbit of the same

name from Tolkien’s famous fantasy _

books). And he became the “Direct
Services Coordinator” (a title he dis-
likes) for Outright Vennont for the
past two‘ years. If you were at the
Youth Pride speakout, Christopher
was the tall guy in the blue wig ready
with a hug for any young speaker
who needed it. He is moving on to
other things this fall, but before he
does, we’re sharing his story in the
first of what I hope will be many
community profiles of gay, lesbian,
bisexual, transgender and queer peo-
ple who live in Vermont. I talked
with him on his 33rd birthday, an
event that inspired him to take stock
of his life.

Christopher Kaufman: Tolkien was
always my favorite author from when
I was a child. Now I’m 33, the age
when hobbits become adults. So now
is the time to begin taking better care
of myself. I have a particular rela-
tionship to Pippen. In the movie [The
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of
the Ring], Pippen is the anarchist
hobbit — he never loses sight of his
status as someone who is looked
down on by the power structure.

Once I went to a “bear” bar
[frequented by large hairy gay men]
and I was so totally ignored, even
though I’m a fairly hairy guy and six
feet tall. Itjust showed me that body
fascism exists no matter where you
are. I was still alienated even though
this was a space that was supposed to
be for those who didn’t fit the

twinkie model. " '- 7*‘ 7*" ~:  

That’s what I like about the
Faeries ~ their acceptance of diversi-
ty. They’re very multi‘-generational.
There are guys in their 70s and in
their 20s and in between. And their
willingness to talk about body fas-
cism and other issues.

So now I’m 33 and I’ve
decided to move on from Outright.
Part of my 33rd birthday is recogniz-
ing a stronger ability to take care of
myself, to make my own decisions.
I’m keeping my options open, but I
hope to do some consulting and
counseling with young people. I’m
planning to go to Antioch in counsel-
ing psychology with a spiritual focus.

Euan Bear: Let’s start at the begin- *
ning. Where were you born?

CK: I‘ was born in Mary Fletcher
Hospital. [sarcastically] I love it how
they’ve taken. two ladies [Mary
Fletcher and Fanny Allen] and turned
them into a man [Fletcher Allen].

My family lived in
Vergennes. I spent my whole school
career in the Addison Northwest
Supervisory Union. I think that was
good, but frighteningly insular, par-
ticularly when it came to sexual iden-
tity issues, which I began dealing
with around age 10. There was no
support, just active hostility.'There .
were a few teachers, certain teachers
who were known to support the “dif-
ferent” kids. But it was limited - that
kind of support could put theirjobs
in jeopardy. We couldn’t talk about
[sexuality] openly.

When I really first began to
know I liked men was in second
grade when I became obsessed with
[the comic book character] the Green
Arrow. I was so completely obsessed
that my grades suffered. And that was
when I first was into faeries.

I grew up in an abusive
family situation. My Dad was basi-
cally a control freak who became

baek agaits.

housé‘?‘If~yI(éiit*-ri3le4df§[:sressed=aboutmy
body, about dealing with emotions,
how to tell the difference between
abuse and love. I got through a lot of
that with support from my former
wife. It really sucks when you help
each other to consciousness and then
it comes back to bite you in the butt.

EB: And abuse sure does make it dif-
ficult to sort out about being gay -
‘Was I abused because I was gay or
am I gay because I was sexually

‘ abused?’

CK: Queer kids are already isolated
emotionally, and that makes them
vulnerable to exploitation by preda-

tors who target vulnerable kids.
Queer kids already know about keep-
ing secrets.

I’ve had to deal with being
attracted to men who look like the
abuser, and with my dad being a
power freak,.I had an intimate under-
standing of the dynamics of power. I
was overwhelmed by it.

What I did with that was to
begin acting on my feelings in ways
that weren’t about me. I got involved
in activism on war issues around the
Gulf War in college. Then I worked

on environmental issues with VPIRG
[Vennont Public Interest Research
Group]. Working on recycling and
opposition to a waste incinerator in
Rutland was a fabulous experience in
community organizing.

When NAFTA [North
American Free Trade Agreement]
was happening, I became the first
paid coordinator for BurIington’s
Sister City project [with Puerto
Cabezas, Nicaragua]. There was a
tenth anniversary brigade that went to
Nicaragua, and then we brought two
musicians from Puerto Cabezas here.

When we went to
Nicaragua, we were welcomed as
white people with money that would
help their economy, but we were also
asked, “What about poor people in
your community? How are you help-
ing them?” They so clearly saw simi-
larities in oppression, and that help-
ing should not be about being patron-
izing, about bringing pencils or teddy
bears for the daycare. Cultural
exchange is good — but structural
change is the real struggle.

[Christopher worked on the
first major demonstrations against the
World Bank and the International
Monetary Fund in Washington, DC,
running a national ad campaign.] .

It was very homophobic
[working on globalization issues].
Your personal struggle was simply
not relevant, the personal was not
important. Therewas gender sensitiv-
ity, but only withina binary structure,
and nothing we did was about per-
sonal oppression. There were other
queers in the movement and I knew
who they were, but nobody talked
about it.

I thought I was bisexual —
that was safer than being a gay man.
I mean, why would I ever want to be V
in a relationship with a man when
they’re so hateful and abusive? All of
my closest friends and lovers were
women. I knew lesbians but no other
gay men.

I decided to go to graduate
school for a master’s in Community.
Development, focusing on gender.

There were really two schools of
thought: women in development.
which was about getting women into
positions of power as a way to create
structural change; and gender and
development, which was about the
ways the current sexist structures
oppress both genders.

EB: Somewhere in there was college,
before graduate school, right?

CK: I went to Kenyon College. The
Gay-Straight Alliance was two peo-

ple, one boy, one girl, and they were
so out they scared the rest of us who
were in the closet. I really wanted to
be out, but it was a-small campus. I
came out to two people in college,
and then I went right back in the
closet, even though they were both
supportive.

EB: So after working on globaliza-
tion issues, you went to graduate
school — where?

CK: The London School of
Economics. I wanted to look at
development from the World Bank’s
perspective. I couldn’t play the game,
couldn’t change my perspective
enough to fit in. I did my master’s
project on women in Haiti.

During the coup period in
Haiti. the male organizers were dis-
appeared — seven thousand ofthem
were killed by the generals. And
those spaces were filled by women. I
was asking why weren’t the women
disappeared — how did they organize
differently. Women tended to pay
more attention to community needs
like organizing neighborhoods to
sleep in shifts so that everyone had a
place under a roof to sleep for a por-
tion of every day, or making sure the‘
trash was collected. Men were all
about political opposition, the ‘fix,’

, and being seen. They were less effec-

tive and more easily targeted.

My wife went to London
with me while ingot myr*degree,?a:rdt?'=f
then whenshe went to school in San
Francisco for a degree in women’s -
spirituality, I went there. That was the
deal, and it was only fair.

, Being a married gay boy in
San Francisco was incredibly chal-
lenging. I was committed to my mar-
riage and not willing to deal with my
feelings about men. '

After that I dragged my
wife to Vermont. away from San
Francisco where it’s the best place to
be when you’re involved in women’s
spirituality. I worked with Rural
Vermont on farm issues. Within a
couple of months, my wife pushed

 

me out the door to a Radical Faeries’
gathering.

It was terrifying. I was still
bi-idenrit'ied,.and not very many gay
men want to hang out with bisexual
men. Nancy Sheltra, on the other
hand, makes no distinction between
gay and bi.

There were 40 Faeries in a
room. It was such a discovery that
not all men are evil. I had a shocking.
mind-blowing epiphany. I would

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