Come to Brig: Carr.-‘age Bookstore
fir the book; the ambiance,
and the oonoersafion
We areone ofakinzt soifyouare
tired ofthe iirrpersowul cookie-cutter
umid, stqphfoxabreakwdabook

 

(802) 247-0050

_ Mm-Sat 10am - 6pm ' 
I:--; if--; Sun 1?.'3U - 5pm f—,‘- i_-—,
Bcomxtsquxu 4 " “ ,"l»’In'nont

community
center

[a place to be.]

 

contact us

now to...

C-3 reserve space
for your activity or group
at R.U.1.2? Headquarters.

9 become a member
and support your local
lgbtqia community center.

6 get involved —
we have lots of fm
volunteer opportunities
available right now!

thecenter@ru12.org

www.ru12.org
802.860.RU12

 

To learn
more about:

- HIV testing

- Benefits of
knowing your
HIV status

- Treatment,
support and
counseling
options

 

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=
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Call Vermont
AIDS Hotline
I-800-882-AIDS

 

%

entle readers: First, here’s a
news flash: The people that
you encounter in your every
day life are paying less attention to
being polite and casual social
exchanges are becoming less civi-
lized. Anyone who has ever grocery-
shopped at the now defunct Grand
‘ Union and waited for a smile and
thank you from the cashier knows
exactly what I am talking about (the
bankruptcy story was a front — they
were obviously too rude to survive).
Bet that news caught you
by surprise, huh?
Rudeness and uncivil
behaviors bombard us in all of our

daily activities. It can be emotionally,

physically and spiritually debilitating
to deal unceasingly with the unre-
fined and careless individuals we
encounter.

But what really shocks me

— on occasion, nearly into a bronchial

seizure of Victorian proportions — is
how rude and uncivilized we can be
to those within our own community!
Okay — sociology lesson

number one: for a group to survive
and evolve into positions of power,
the group must support each other

and work together towards a common

goal.

I-lave we, as a minority
segment of the Vermont, American
and World population, reached such

Proud.

 

We actually knew some
guys from Spokane who did NOT
know and had to surrender their cards
on the spot. But I digress 

It seems that we would all
benefit from a re-examination of how
we treat others and compare that with
how we would like others to treat us.
It’s no good being uptight about
whether everyone you meet will
immediately find you fascinating and
indispensable at cocktail parties. Nor
is it really worth your time to strive
unceasingly to reach the apex of the
social ladder at the expense of others,
assuming that you will achieve a
goddess-like aura by mere dint of
your social prowess (especially if you
live in a region where it’s a relatively
short climb to the top). Start simply.

For example, when you
and/or your significant other attend a

don’t fall into the old trap of assum-
ing that you are the most witty, gifted
and interesting conversationalist at a
gathering ~ you will ofien be sorely
disappointed (not to mention serious-
ly confused when your invitations to
such events begin to drop off). The
best guest joins in the conversation
and is interested in what others have
to say. If you are unsure about
whether or not you should dominate
the conversation, take this mental
test:

Are there programs at the
event with your name printed on
them? Did someone write you a
check to be there? Okay — you are
definitely NOT the main speaker of
the evening.

Now — gossip. Here’s a
favorite recreational pastime that we
all enjoy. Apparently, in suggesting
that we eschew gossip, I might as
well ask that we stop breathing for a
few hours during any given social
event. At two recent, informal dinner
gatherings, aggressive attempts were
made to draw me into scandalous dis-
cussions of the shortcomings and
nocturnal antics of someone I didn’t
even know — by people I had just
been introduced to! Before dessert
had even arrived! How twisted is
that?! Mama said it best — if you
can’t say anything nice  “Ow!
Mom! Stop smacking me!”

    
 

Be Happy. Be Nice.

key, though, is to 1) be sure you are
not seated among 20 perfect strangers
and, 2) wait until you are asked.
Once again, take your mental test to
determine whether a group of
strangers or mere acquaintances is
paying you to present a program
about your latest cyber-adventures on
HotWetDudesLive.com. If not, per-
haps they don’t want to hear about it.
My wise and occasionally-
and-frighteningly-deep friend Gary
summed it up recently when he told
me that he and his partner were lucky
enough to know many different peo-
ple, from many different walks of life
— each of whom possessed a unique
character, taste and personality. He
told me that life would be pretty bor-
ing if all oftheir friends were the
same.
He’s right.
Since relocating to

Vermont. my partner and I have met
so many wonderful people from
Vermont and elsewhere. We all enjoy
each other’s time and friendship
immensely. even though — being
human — We may possess our own lit-
tle faults. quirks or personal failings.
But when you rise above judging,
commenting or acting from some
self-superior plane, you can enjoy
each other’s company, friendship
and hospitality, and get to know some
interesting and worthwhile people.

can we dish our host's or hostess’s unfortunate selection of
hors d’oeuvres paired with wine-in-a-box to perfect strangers
with reckless abandon? ’

lofiy heights that we can now eschew

being nice to each other? Can we
dish our,,host’s or hostessfs unfortu-
nate séiééiibn of hors d’oeuvres
paired with wine-in-a-box to perfect

strangers.-with reckless abandon? Can

we traslifieople that we don’t even
know because of where they came
from or how they express their iden-
tity  and expect our community to
continue to grow and prosper?

No way, my little prom
princes and princesses.

People tend to flinch and

moan when manners, civility and eti-

quette are discussed publicly and
without shame. It really is NOT

about how many forks you should set

out for dinner nor is it a matter of
whether you can wear black satin or
voile if you’re in mourning...

...and if you don’t know
the answers to those two items, we
won’t take away your gay card — we

only do that ifyou’re a gay man who

doesn’t know who Isabella Rosselini
is or where to find the nearest
Lancome counter.

social gathering, be sure to greet
everyone and introduce yourself.
There is no simpler way to start the
evening off graciously for everyone
involved than to offer them a simple,
welcoming gesture - especially if
they are new to the group. Many of
our public social gatherings are
designed to provide a place for new
members of our community to inte-
grate themselves socially. Please
don’t fall into old patterns of hiding
out in the sameold “click” and
pulling the Greta Garbo “I vant to be
alone” routine. And for heaven’s
sake, don’t play “dibs” or “saves”
with the seating, food items or the
other guests. That is so-0 middle
school.

Remember that good man-
ners cost nothing — and they obligate
you to nothing beyond the initial
exchange. Offering a smile and a
simple “good evening” doesn‘t mean
that you must be friends for life.

Once you have joined a
conversation. do yoursell‘— and the
rest of us — a huge favor. Please

Can we talk about sex?
More accurately, can we please NOT
talk about YOUR sex? Similarly, can
we please not witness the publi_c dis-
play of your ardor and passion for
each other when we are trying to
enjoy our creme b'rulee?'It.’s..really
embarrassing to be present for these
livesex‘ shows (not to mention aes-
thetically disturbing in many cases)
while I’m trying to enjoy my cappu-
cino. I swear, I have met more peo-
ple who, upon meeting me for the
very first time, are suddenly telling
me about their extramarital flings,
their favorite pornographic web sites
and their overwhelming passion for
construction workers, foot-fetishists,
fresh fruit — you name it. And hav-
ing to watch a live exhibition of
tongue-wrestling over dinner is even
less appealing — I don’t care how
attractive you are.

Far from being a prude. I
think that sex — as well as religion,
politics and other lively. philosophi-
cal topics — can be discussed frankly
among close. personal friends. The

In closing, I would like to
share with you one of the simplest
and most eloquent responses of sim-
ple civility that I have ever heard. In
a letter to Miss Manners (Judith
Martin), an overly stressed and undu-
ly concerned gentle reader asked,
“What should I say to a homosexual
couple when I encounter them on the
street?”

Miss Manners’ reply: “How
about ‘hello’? V

Philip Bender lives with his partner
in Franklin County and socializes
from Quebec to New York City and
points beyond.