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month, I was going through a

rough time in my transition. A
lot of things I had planned on
going through effortlessly have
gone wrong. But I have my son to
thank for making me realize a lot
of things I have been ignorant
about these last couple weeks.

This rrforning all seemed
quite normal: mom went to work
and dad (that’s me) went to sleep,
as I work nights. The kids got on
their respective buses and went to
school. All seemed as normal as
one could expect under my circum-
stances. I tried to write an article,
but all that is negative in my life
right now just kept flooding my
brain making me feel as though I
deserved to be struggling. I was on
a self-pity party that gave me the
right to feel sorry for myself and
do what I want — or not. Like I am
exempt from having to accept any
consequences from my decision to
transition from a man’s world to
becoming a woman.

The teacher called my
wife today telling her that my son
never went to school. She was very
concerned and disappointed and
didn’t know how a good kid like
him would do such a thing. My
wifee came home and we frantical-
ly tried to find out where he was.
We spoke to a few of his friends

Iwasn’t going to write this

Growing Pains

 

to school and explain his actions to
his teacher. He was devastated. He
explained to us he really didn’t

want to do that. I explained to him

V that he needed to think of all the

consequences of his actions before
acting upon them, and that he
would have to face the music now.
After expressing his reluctance to
face the music he went off with his
mom and had to deal with his
actions.

The reason I told this
story is it made me realize some-
thing very important in my own
world. When I decided that I could-
n’t live with my life the way I had

~ been living it as a man, I had to

look at the very thing he should
have looked at. There will be con-
sequences, maybe not ones that are
fair orjust, but they will be there.

I explained to my son that
he needed to think of all the
consequences of his actions
before acting upon them,
and that he would have to
face the music now.

and found out that he had decided
— since mom was at work andrl
would be sleeping, and he only had
a half day of school — he would
take the day for himself.

' He came home smiling
away as he always did. His mom
and I tried really hard to sit and
look relaxed as we asked him how
his day went. He cheerfully looked
at us and told us his day went
“fine.” It was all we could do not
to scream at him, but we sat and
asked him what he had for home-
work. He said, “Oh, not much, just
my reading.” Then I dropped the
hammer on him and told him he
might have more if he made it to
school. As hard as he tried he sat in
disbelief that dad and mom knew
he had taken the day off.

After talking to the
teacher we found out she would be
at school till 3. It was now 12:30.
We told him we thought since he
lost the half day this morning it
might be good for him to go back

I accepted the price I
would have to pay way back when
I started this journey. I have had it
pretty easy thanks to a good com-
pany I work for and a wife who
truly has taken the test in what she
can put up with in a husband. My
children have dealt with this as I I
would have never guessed they
would. They have put down their
limits, but in a more intellectually
and emotionally mature fashion
than most people going through
this major change could ever hope

I for.

I have had some snags in
my plans lately and they have real-
ly dragged me down. My insurance
is breaking a whole new territory
and things are going slower than I
planned. I can’t find a surgeon to
cover the fees till the insurance
pays. As more and more people
find out about my transition I
sometimes feel like a freak in a cir-
cus show, with people dying to get
in the tent to see this new oddity

among them. The loss ofa lot of
friends and family has had an
impact as well.
I am like my son: I have

forgotten my acceptance of what
might happen, of what pains and

I suffering this action might cause.

As I sat there lecturing to
my son I realized I had forgotten
about the consequence thing. I have
had itlso good I seem to have for-
gotten there is more to life than
how something affects me. There is
a broad spectrum of how this
change will affect so many things
in my life and in others‘ lives. Did
I think I could really make such a
radical change in my own life with-
out it having consequences of some
kind to my whole entire life‘?

I wanted the good stuff to
happen, the feeling whole and at
peace with myself and to be treated
as the woman I have always been
inside. But what about the conse-
quences I have thought about and
accepted when this all started? So
many things that I had planned on
going bad went better than I ever
could have imagined. I have friends
who proved to be true friends when
I figured they would have gone
running. My job has been so sup-
portive, more than I could have
imagined. My family has dealt with
this in a way I could never dream
possible.

I thank my son for mak-
ing me realize once again that this
change will have consequences I
am not going to be fond of. I know
he has made a decision that will
make him realize that conse-
quences are always something to
consider before acting on them. As
a 45-year-old transsexual changing
my entire life, I am glad today
thanks to the lesson I have learned
through him. I must measure the
consequences — I just need to be
reminded of all the good things that
have happened for me as well.

While consequences of
actions are a part of every decision
we make, I know in my heart that
the bad that has happened is noth-
ing compared to all the good. At
least I have insurance — and the
need to come up with money up
front leaves me in a better position
than those who have no insurance _
coverage at all. The looks I get are
the same looks my dad got from
losing a leg in WW2. It isn’t about _
me, it is about others’ ignorance
and cruelty. I believe they too will
have consequences someday, but
that is not my issue or problem, it
is theirs. My day is brighter thanks
to my son, and well, maybe after
he is grounded for eternity, he too .
will be more enlightened in the
end, despite (or because of) both of
our growing pains V

April Elizabeth is transitioning and I
accepting consequences in north- .
western Vermont.