he older I get, the less
' comfortable I am at big

parties to tell you the truth.
I like focused, intense conversa-
tions that are hard to pull off at
large gatherings; but at the
Mountain Pride Media celebra-
tion for volunteers I met someone
who riveted my attention —
Roland Palmer’s mother, Chicky.
She was helping out in the
kitchen, and I wanted to find out
more about the generous—spirited,
middle—aged woman who was
bustling around like mad trying
to feed the masses. I could tell by
the way Roland would stop and
rub her shoulders or exchange a
few loving words that they had a
close, trusting relationship. I also
wondered what it was like for her
to be around all her son’s queer
friends. When I struck up a con-
versation I was so impressed with
her openness and honesty, that a
few days later I asked if I could
interview her for the paper.

Chicky (Laurel) Boutin
can certainly claim native
Vermonter status. Born in 1944,
the fifth—oldest child of 13 broth-
ers and sisters. she grew up on a
farm in Williston doing chores at
an early age and learning “how to
fix things.” (l’mjealous.) She can
trace her French-Canadian her-
itage back to 1665. Her father
was a logger from Canada; her
mother a seamstress at the
Woolen Mill in Winooski and a
cook at Fanny Allen Hospital.
Her grandmother, a midwife,
delivered several of her siblings
(Chicky was the first to be born
in a hospital) and was a full-
blooded Iroquois.

The family believed in
living off the land, and her par-
ents trusted the kids to run the
fann. They cut down their own
trees for firewood, gathered cat-
tails and cowslips in the spring
for food and avoided eating the
animals they raised because they
needed them to generate income.
Chicky sometimes felt like an
outcast as a French-Canadian
Catholic in a predominately
Anglo town, but their large fami-
ly hosted many a house party for
French Canadians from the sur-
rounding area to celebrate their
culture with fiddlers and folk
tunes. She describes her family as
close, devoted and resourceful.
They rarely went to doctors. Her
father chopped off the tip of his

em. ~

 

finger with an ax, and they cured
it by using her grandmother’s

salve. Chicky was the mediator in

the family, the peacemaker — a
role she said she passed down to
Roland.

A few times in Chicky’s
past, her legs would suddenly go
out from under her or she would
pass out for no apparent reason.
Her family attributed it to
exhaustion, but at the age of 42
she suffered a complete collapse.
The doctors thought she’d had a
massive heart attack, but then
they diagnosed her with Multiple
Sclerosis (MS) and found old

out, the warmth of the air,” the
trees and flowers and birds and
love of her family. When her kids
would bring her outdoors so she
could absorb the natural world,
she came to believe that “whatev-
er was out there was bigger than
all of us, and it was all connect-
ed.”

One day Chicky’s sisters
brought her to Springfield, Mass.
to witness the healing powers of
Fr. Dieorio — a Catholic priest
denounced by the Church for
practicing “laying on of hands.”
It was there that she experienced
a spiritual awakening that
changed her life. Fr. Dieorio told
her, “I don’t want to touch you to
heal you because you can heal
yourself, but I want to touch you
so I can receive from you the
energy to heal thousands of oth-
ers.” Chicky’s sisters claim she
never left her wheelchair, but
Chicky said she walked to the .
front of the auditorium to receive
this message. All told the details
don’t matter. Both she and her

At times Chicky simply couldn’t move.
She didn’t know what to do with her body
and felt like “throwing it away.”

lesions on her brain that she must
have incurred when she was a
youngster. She found out that
Vermont has the highest inci-
dence of MS per capita in the
U.S. and Europe! From ages 42
to 49 she passed through an
intensely painful cycle in her _dis-
ease. Fortunately she had three
helpful children, a supportive
husband, incredible friends as a
well as an understanding boss at
IBM who let her continue to
work at whatever level she could
manage.

She suffered from hor-
rendous sharp pains in her head,

loss of eyesight for days on end, .

and debilitating depressions that
made her feel like she was
“crawling through a tunnel.” At
times she simply couldn’t move.
She didn’t know what to do with
her body and felt like “throwing
it away.” She had to be bathed,
and toileted by her oldest daugh-
ter which madelher as dependent
as a child. She was angry all the
time even at the people who were

» trying to help her. She felt like

she lost all her dignity and want-
ed to kill herself.

Up until then she’d had
a “type-A personality” — competi-
tive, perfectionist, controlling.
She was “forced to go inward,” ’
compelled to balance her Libra
scales. She had to learn to let go
of having everything done her
way, of having everything spic
and span. A gift of this disease
was that she had to accept help.

“The wind helped me

sisters were transformed. “After
that I started getting better.”

The MS has been in
remission since 1993. Her large
brain lesions have shrunk dramat-
ically. The doctors are dumb-
founded. They’re actually doing
research on her because they
have never seen anyone return to
such a high level of functioning
considering that she lost so much
ground in the past. Because of
her use of alternative medicine
she developed a new career as a
bodywork therapist. She’s a mas-
ter in Reiki healing and practices
reflexology, aromatherapy,
myofascia release, and massage
therapy in her beautiful log
“dream house” at the end of (you
guessed it) Palmer Rd. in
Hinesburg -— a part of a seventy-
tvvo acre tract of land where
Roland, his brother and other
family members have built their
own homes.

But the story doesn’t end
there. I asked Chicky how she
coped with her son’s coming out
process given her traditional
Catholic farm family background.
Chicky said, “I knew before
Roland was born that he would
be different.” She was endowed
at an early age with visionary
powers passed down from her
heritage. When she was pregnant
she saw “two children — male and
female.” In fact she noticed when
Roland was a child he could easi-
ly interact with both boys and
girls. Like his mediator mother
“he was a person who saw both

 
   

  t; Hurting Places

sides” and had the capacity “to
bring them together.” She never
thought of him as gay, but she
was careful to nurture the indi-
viduality in all her children.
Roland, currently the Vice
President of Mountain Pride
Media, was the oldest and was an
“over-achiever,” according to
Chicky. It must have been hard
for him in his small Vermont
town as a teenager since he knew
when he was in grade school he
was “special” (Chicky’s word).
Roland said these feelings con-
flicted with his Catholic upbring-
ing, but because he was raised in
an “open and honest” household
he decided to tell his mother the
truth. He couldn’t bear to hide his
inner being from people he loved
and respected.

Roland describes him-
self as more of a rebel than his
mother does. As a teenager he
had his ears pierced and bleached
his hair, which drove his dad
nuts, but he still did well in
school and kept up with the
chores to prove to his family that
he could be different but accept-
able. As a matter of fact his
father, Ron, was less than pleased
when Chicky told him that their
son was gay. She talked to her
husband for two or three hours,
and then Ron stayed up all night
talking with Roland which
cleared the air. “We told him we
loved him, and that’s what mat-
tered,” she said.

Chicky said she didn’t
feel she had the right to “out”
Roland. She heard a lot of homo-
phobia in the circles she traveled
in because both she and her hus-
band were active on town boards.
She endured the gossip but kept
her mouth shut, allowing her son
to express his own views when
he was ready. Since then other
children in prominent families
have come out, which has made it
easier. Chicky was glad the civil
union law was passed. “It’s not
right to be punished for who you
are,” she said. She knew what it
was like to be discriminated
against for being French
Canadian. She loves the work
Roland is doing in the GLBT
community. He’s reaching out to
help others, a value she taught
him as a child. “It’s excellent.
He’s teaching them dignity.”
Roland said he’s grateful that his
Vennont family was able at first
to “live and let live” and then to
embrace his choice. “My mother
is an amazing woman with an
amazing faith. I’ve gained
strength through her life-thre_aten-
ing disease.”

After hearing her story,
all I could think was, “So have I,

Chicky, so have I.” V

Crow Cohen is a lesbian feminist
from Winooski.

NC

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