/v e ~ Friend or Ho Making plans with my fi*iend, Mel, always concluded with him adding the caveat, “unless some- thing comes up.” And something often came up. Throughout our fi'iendship, Mel blew me off to get blown dozens of times — always with the expla- nation that “something came up.” I wasn’t the only one left hang- ing while Mel was banging some trick he’d met at Macy’s, on a bus or at a doughnut shop. Every one of his friends had stories of agen- das that were gutted :while Mel slutted around with some spur-of— - the—moment playmate. Was Mel in touch with his inner primal man? Are we primordially- programmed to put sex before everything — including fiiendship? I always tried to be understand- ing. Mel was not very comfortable in social situations. He didn’t have a knack for getting dates with men he considered attractive. He said A that he needed to take what he could get whenever he could get it, because he never knew when he’d have another chance. From time to time, he verbal- ized his fiustration. “I don’t have a cute boyfiiend like you who wants to get me off any time I pull it out,” he’d whine. And he’d repeat that sad-sack gripe to anyone in our group of buddies who wasn’t com- panion-challenged. I was younger, then, in age and experience, and I bought into his mindset that he should be allowed — and. encour- aged — to place sexual gratification above everything else. If fiiends were left with canceled plans and no-shows, then, that, was as it should be. In hindsight, I see that Mel was sixty-nined right out of his mind. Mel is hardly alone in his screw-you-while-I-try-to-get- screwed mentality. Plenty of folks expect their fiiends to get lost whenever the slightest opportunity 1 to get laid arises. And still more pledge allegiance to their chiuns while willingly quantifying their value far below that of a stranger who may possibly put out. My friend, Anthony, e-mailed me, the other day, to ask if I had a classmates.corn membership. He’d noticed that one of his best fiiends from high school had just been added to the roster and only members can send e-mail to others listed on the site. He determined that, as fond of her as he was, it wasn’t worth the $29.95 annual membership fee to send her a mes- sage. ‘ This same cost—conscious By Dennis Scott—Bush friend has spent boatloads of money and time following guys from bar to bar in a 150-mile radius of his home, just because he thought they “wanted him.” How many imported beers and gallons of gas is an old fiiend worth? What’s the going rate for a guy who may not last five minutes in a fervent grape and grunt? The question to be answered isn’t friend or foe. In matters of our loyalty, is it to fi'iend or ho? Mel was notorious for trying to pick up the waiter, when our covey he didn’t get lucky, he still had us to fall back on. He’d call one or more of us, if his rendezvous took less time than he initially thought it would. He assmned that we would be delighted to return to the origi- nal plan, as if nothing had hap- pened. It doesn’t take too long before that back-seat, second-string status gets old. After a while, the second string wants to tell the aggravating soloist to get plucked. I was younger, then, in age and experience, and I bought into his mindset that he should be allowed ‘- and encouraged — to place sexual gratification above everything else. of friends went out to dinner. These meals allowed us to revel in each other’s company and enjoy a variety of taste treats, yet, Mel’s attention was always focused on giving a particular tip to our desig- nated server. It didn’t help that he’d assure us, afterward, “It really wasn’t good. _He was a lousy lay and I’m sure I would’ve had a better time with you guys.” As if knowing that he realized we were ultimately preferable to tricking with a man, whose name he knew only because the guy hadibeen wearing a name tag, would make us feel vindicated. We were his safety net. Even if I have no problem with people pursuing a hot piece of ass. But is it fair to put going after sex ahead of plans you’ve made with fiiends? Is it right to tell someone who was there for you, through good times and bad, that you’d love to see him, unless something comes up? I If any so—called fiiends of yours behave like Mel, show them what else can come up: Your middle finger. , Dennis Scott-Bush has always been curious and is ofien naked. His work cqzpears in publications throughout the country. E-mail may be directed to NakedCw'iosity@aol. corn COLUMNS September 2001 OlTl‘1 - 19 Because our team is dedicated to providing the best possible service to all people, we are proud of our ties to the GLBT community. Specializing in Addison County George Brewer www.langteam.net Jen nifer Ponder REALTOR, 388'_1 REALTOR, CR5. GRI, CRB. ABR MPM & OITM volunteer '3n9rnidd@sover.net Q m > jennponder@hotmaIl.com North Professionals Each Office Independently Owned and Operated SELLING BUYING REAL ESTATE? Call JACKIE fackie Marina REALTOR 802-655-3377 X23 802-639-4520 X23 e-mail ]acl