Offender continued from page fourteen Yes, my past shows this to be the case. It is my story, and I do believe there are other men who have had some kind of sexual trauma early in their development stage to where they developed a pattern of sexual activity with children. But, once they were able to gain an understanding and develop controls of their behavior, they have lived suc- cessful lives. This is just a fact of life. Its about human frailty and human dynamics, whether gay or straight. And it’s a shame we can’t openly discuss our weaknesses and attractions and desires and ways to confront them, so we could do a better I job of protecting those who are vulnerable — rather than i always taking a reactive posi- tion. EB: Have you met or do you know’ of other gay sexual abusers? How many? In my work with the Sex Abuse Treatment Alliance [a national organization promot- ing treatment for sex offend- ers], and on the board of Stop It Now! [a national child abuse prevention program with a pilot project in Vermont], I’ve interacted with quite a few men who have similar stories to mine. I feel‘ it is an issue .that we need to address. It may not be politically correct to consid- er that we have had a very dis- torted and wrong and inappro- priate relationship issue that ' needs correcting. Yes, there can be power and control with- in its makeup, but again I point out — since being comfortable with my sexuality, I have not offended in over 18 years! EB: Are you in ‘a relation- ship now with an adult? If so,‘ how old is he? How old "are you? Ijust turned 56. I am not in a relationship with anyone. After gaining an insight of how my sexual maturity had frozen at an adolescent stage, I have constantly worked on expanding that maturity. That means taking the baby steps that all of us do in getting com- fortable in dating, in being turned down and feeling lone- ly and unacceptable. Then hav- inga date and feeling on top of the world only to find the per- son doesn’t want to date any more. Or to have that one spe- cial person and feel something is really developing, and then be heart-broken over it coming to an end. And dealing with the sadness and frustration that all that entails. I hadn’t been through those steps. And so I continue to work on that. Will my attraction ever reach my own age range? Hard to say. But I do know that I am in a comfortable zone of age- appropriate social life. Not having that one special person is one regret I have in life and I do hope someone does enter my life. I feel much of my 12 years of freedom have been more devoted to employment and the serious work of telling this story, and not enough devotion to my own social needs. It has not been a cause of alarm for me - in regards to a possible back- slide. I am very socially active in my community, participat- ing in glbt programs at Michigan State University and the city of Lansing. I am on" a speaker’s bureau of glbt per- sons to talk about gay issues. I am on a committee developing gay/straight alliances in all the metropolitan Lansing school systems. I see how much the lack of this ‘support was a detriment for me. I want to reach out to help young people every way I can. I feel this is pro-active. I almost feel ‘better about this effort than dwelling on the huge and overwhelming public policy issues of sex abuse leg- islation and prison issues. EB.‘ What do you tell your ‘ >16 Laughing and Loving Life Cancer Survivor Pat Fontaine WILLISTON, VT — Pat Fontaine knows J how to have fun. Serious fun. In her free time she consults for a cartoonist. That's when she's not canoeing, doing yoga, vis- iting with friends, or growing mounds of flowers and vegetables in her backyard garden. , / p ”It’s important to laugh as much as possible,” says,Pat. ”There’s so much pleasure and enjoyment to be had at any moment.” Laughter is just one of the tools Pat uses to get her over life's lumps and bumps. As a breast cancer survivor, Pat reached deep within herself, and out to family and friends, to summon the strength she needed to make it through two roundsof surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. As a lesbian, she has endured her share of misunderstanding. But for all the hard times, the good has always pre- vailed. For Pat, the source of her positive outlook can be summed up in a single word: community. ’’I think if I was going to pass any- thing to anyone” says Pat, ”that’s the key to survival — finding and celebrating and nurturing a community.” Pat's healing community includes im- mediate family — two sisters came from Boston and Seattle to accompany her for every chemotherapy visit — as well as the lesbian community in Vermont. "It was one of the things that absolutely helped me get through breast cancer.” As a woman who sought and received I care" in the early stages ofcancer, Pat is one of a growing number of Vermonters who are taking charge of their health. Many more must do so in order to catch cancer in its early, treatable stages. But 45 percent of lesbians do not have regular OB/GYN care, according to Dr. Suzanne Haynes of the National Cancer Institute. Lack of sensitivity to lesbian issues is the main reason most delay or avoid life- saving medical checks. In an effort to help all women get the regular health screenings and care they need, Ladies First is working to raise awareness. Together with Planned Par- enthood of Northern New England, Ladies First offers training to help medical pro- fessionals understand — and remove — those barriers to health care that exist for lesbians. To date, over 100 health care LORI LANIMII PHOTOGRAFHV FEATUQES September 2001 OlTl"l° 15 professionals have participated. Ladies First also maintains a list of doctors and nurses who have identified themselves as welcoming .to lesbians. For more information and to see if you qualify for free women's health screening, call Ladies First at 1-800-508- 2222 or at TDD 1-800-319-3141 and ask for Kate. 51‘ 0 02/) Vermont Department of Health av-vyvm--M-mu t