Breaking the Silence: An Interview with a Gay Sex Offender By Euan Bear You ’re about to meet Wayne Bowers, a recovering sex offender who is gay. I ’ve met him several times when we spoke together on panels at conferences for social workers and therapists who deal with child sexual abuse. I was there to speak as an adult survivor of child sexual abuse. Wayne looks slim and fit and is distin- guished looking, a very dapper dresser. His mustachioed face shows curiosity, warmth, and openness. He is one of the guys most people never hear about, both because hes a treatment . success story and because he is gay. He doesn’t always come out as a gay man during his speeches — he ‘s as wary of the stereotype as the gay commu- nity is. He has spoken at con- ferences, on television, and to men in the sex oflender treat- ment program at the Northwest Regional Correctional Center in St. Albans. At his most recent speaking engagement in Vermont, a speakout for male survivors and recovering oflenders held at St. Michael ’s College, he agreed to an inter- view for Out in the Mountains. EB: When did you know» you were gay? Were you an adult or an adolescent? Was there any option of coming out to your family and getting sup- port? Growing up in Oklahoma in a conservative church back- ground and with a tight knit family structure, and the lack of information about gay issues back in the 1950s and 1960s, I didn’t even know the terms “gay” or “straight” as we do now. So, the early days were just a realization of a cer- tain attraction to boys, but I was not able to put a label on it. All my comments now are based on what I’ve learned about myself, not thoughts I had then. I recall first having some sexual encounters with boys when I was 5 or 6 and that type of activity occurred periodically over about 8 more years in what I would refer to as experimental exploration. I realize now that I had an attraction to boys, even kept a log of boys I found appealing‘ in a high school directory, and I didn’t do the same for girls. I recall how difficult it was to ask a girl out for a date — and now it is quite clear to me — I didn’t want to take a girl on a date, I wanted to take a boy. But that didn’t even enter my mind that it was an option. I don’t think I saw an option to “come out” to my family, for I didn’t understand that was what the situation was. I was awkward about dating through high school and even into col- lege and beyond. Other high school buddies didn’t date until their senior year, so we didn’t see anything strange. I did date one girl most of my senior year, she was a sopho- more. I do recall it never got intimate, and though she was fun, I can see I wasn’t “head over heels” over her. With that in mind, it is one reason why I am so supportive of glbt discussion groups and support groups in high schools and colleges today — to help young people deal with those same feelings and issues I had back then (and had nowhere to turn). I recall the first guy to show me how to masturbate was. when an .older boy in our class showed a couple buddies and me how he could do so, and though I could not physically perform at that time, I awk- wardly fell into that act in the 6th grade. Around the 4th and 5th gradesl had a crush (I guess you would say) on my neigh- bor who was a year older. Much of it was a sports adora- tion and just the fact he was a year older. But I recall us play- ing “doctor” and doing things naked and all and I was real attracted to him. I recall I had a bedwetting problem and one year he traveled with us on a Vacation and I was so scared I would wet the bed and it would be embarrassing. That actually is one area of therapy that I have not covered yet and know there is some stuff I need to uncover that may play a role in my later behavior. When did I know I was gay? To understand that term totally, it was not until I was in thera- py in prison the 2nd time, after going through the Johns Hopkins evaluation and crash course of 4 months before sen- tencing in 1983. I then pieced together my pedophilic [pre- pubertal boy-loving] and hebophilic [adolescent boy- loving] patterns and behavior and learned a control, butl still hadn’t reached a resolve on my sexual identity. It actually surfaced quite well through interaction with a therapist in a Kansas prison. I had gotten started in therapy, and a new facility right by the old place opened. [Bowers was transferred as a “model prison- er,” cutting short his participa- tion in a therapy program.] I was very upset, knowing I had to complete a [therapy] pro- FEATUR-E5 September 2o,o1,Ol7l?lf?1 -.A1:.3 gram for my parole hearing. But my attorney spoke with Ms. Austin, who stated that she would call me in for test- ing and interviews periodical- ly. ' [That process] led to a lot of repeat answers on the MMPI that, along with an autobiogra- phy I wrote for the former pro- gram, gave Ms. Hall an inkling of some closeted feelings I was showing. And she did a good job of working through those with me individually and final- ly in a group, to where I even- tually accepted the fact I was gay. That would have been in .AA;.»jj’,5t1¢’e;,a,week‘3iror‘i1iiee»weeks;*- " “One resp aI1y:’.’ ‘ ii. .. . .f“ 7 '_Anotherfrn'an.=wrote: _“‘My’firs' - H were with mlalesimy own age} — me yours’ and 1‘h.owI-fari»iwil‘1i~iYou:»’ go typ f. I time. ram‘ a bit disturbed The Vermont Connection Wayne Bowers, who lives in Michigan, in many ways fits the old stereotype of ‘a gay A " 3: pedophile. ‘He was .ina_position where he. had access to lots of boyls,.whom_Ahebefriended and then introduced to sexual ‘activities. »A Waynewas in his20s-and 30s and the boys ranged in age. frorn_9 org10 to_16. I wondered I _ if [gay-men .‘ in Vennontf had been japprojachedr ".in‘childhood.Aby anolder gay‘ whether. I I Th?! .310."-ghi iitlhilflfififlcéd‘ iihnectii;:ne I . d_ecl—ined '—. not b ecaus ee;it»f>‘tl_‘1_¢'.‘jagei"difference?’:~ —.b.ut:,. No coercion.” _ t ‘ A j A , One respondent simply reported that be fit, "thevcriteria and offered no other comment “I fit the category of having sex before age ‘18 with a‘ man more "than 5 yearslolder. He made v . the advance.”- The sixth respondent said his same-sex. sexual encounters started when he was ‘‘15/ 16 yearsiiold. Until Iwas 19 it was always with boys .I.grew;uipf‘wiAth in my neighborhood. Most of these‘ encounters were one-time "deals [Whie ] onlyfvwerfetrepeatedv, [with]A two indi- .;more;’th‘e tAeniAA1Ag'VAto the patriarchy to acknowledgelit.” * = I i ‘ j ’ ’IA‘h’enAi‘ag‘ain, many’ women ‘dealt with their experienceslvby forming support groups, while vicnm‘s"“or~‘sexua1 abuse} ‘It’s ‘difficult to get men into groups of any kind. Maybe it’s not‘ just ,c_ul_t1re',' but"aAl_'so biology - that competi- t,i’v.ie’j thing. ..Male_ clubs exist but. they don’t . ’Aja<:_kno'w,led_ge. part__ of their intention any -l{_indv_,of';'emotip;j5t‘:—Awork, .I’m sure it -happens, - . but becauseliwasnittirlterestedi i‘n_h‘imA‘persoh-‘ ‘ in_ot,aclt,.a.rid 5 . it’s entirely turned fine off. tofim'en' rnorefthan A A “ A‘ ‘ t are potent_iallyt_detrfmentalto themselves” _such_Al_as1in inappropri ate. relationships with younger ‘kidsi:A’,:or_ with -exploitive ad_ults._ .‘A‘Outri'ght Vermont is preventing child sexual= :j-arel “often? . initiated into homosexuality’ by “older gay; .rnen,f-Tzeicjhner said, “Thatstereo-‘ A.Ach,afighAA . . "c°fiiiI.is‘_’-out more._AyoAung-people are _ _A e, easel, Gay youth are re‘ {nomaai ‘psyehosexnal cl 1‘. finally: ihavin,-I i_. Adevelfopment, ; I7s'eej5a -‘difference, based, on the’ ' “ lamo‘_nnt?"‘of =ertiotiqna1 _ scarring. ’ Guys -in. their ‘ -20s are "into peers; less‘ into folder sexual _ less clarldestine quality. to ~ ’ad'o‘Iesce‘ntv psychbfsexual development.” I He continuet1,..“Society’s oppression of gays and lesbiiansmust stop. Nancy Sheltra sA,hou,l.d_: get on -her’ fucking- knees and‘ kiss A f \_l<.’4fiIiI1iO:ii,t’:S§l»Aasses”.[for their ,w_o,rk in ' ':_ he1pifig§"i:,‘,y¢;A—m gut. Ilteensgi . realize ihealthier ‘options. "-‘]3ec"a_Is=, the .mea_: gays‘ and lesbians ' are.‘ oppressed, the mores-i,likely they are to explore and express their sexualityfin ways abuse by encouraging theAhe'althy develop- ment of a sexualAiAdentity.” I