Judgement vs. Judgementalism Crow's Caws A woman you work with goes shopping for two hours every day around lunch..You wonder if you should mention it to her supervisor. A friend of yours took $10 out of the treas- ury of the gay rights group you belong to so he could treat him- self to a good dinner after that event you both sponsored. Should you bring it up to him? You’re sitting on a bench downtown, and you notice one of your acquaintances who works for a social service agency is walking arm in arm with one of his clients. Is that really none of your business? President Bush decides to bomb Kuwait again. Do you just figure he must have his reasons? Do you say, “I don’t opinion of their opinion. It’s Muddy Waters in Burlington, Vermont. But what if I’m sit- ting at that same café and men- tion “Sally” just put the make on “Irene’s” fifteen-year—old sister. Or let slip that “R0y’.’ supports himself by dealing drugs. Or that “Peter” cheated on his exam so he could pass the semester, which means he can still play basketball. If I bring up all this “personal stuff” am I gossiping? Being judgmental? Let. me pause here to offer my own personal definition of “judgmental” since I_ couldn’t find it in my dictionary this morning. Judgmentalism is get- ting up into people’s faces and badgering them about your know what’s going on in the Middle-East anyway. I don’t follow the news”? ' ‘When is it appropriate to make judgements, express our opinions or keep our mouths shut because we have no right to impinge,on people’s private lives? Everyone makes mis- takes. Aren’t ‘we being judg- mental when we presume to know what’s best for someone else? I tried to look up “judg- mental” in my old pocket dic- tionary. It wasn’t there. I sus- pect that’s because the idea that it’s presumptuous of spiritually evolved human beings to judge one another’s behavior is a “new age” concept. Morals, ethics, political correctness all have an old-fashioned ring. Pardon me while I make a judgement. Avoiding j udgments is a major copout.’ If we can not count on one another to set each other straight now and then, then-we are perpetuating a ‘shallow, hedonistic, mindless, chaotic culture. (So what else is new?) _ Somehow it’s a lot easier to judge people when they’re working in Washington, D.C. or just appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Opinions about remote, public personalities are considered harmless because they won’t talk back to us directly. It’s a cinch to call Newt Gingrich a Neanderthal. No one’s going to accuse me of being judgmental, especially at being attached to the outcome of someone’s misguided behav- ior. Judgmentalism is believing you’re above and beyond human frailty. It’s unwilling- ness to examine motives, acknowledge nuances. Judgmentalism is judgment without compassion. But I believe it is our responsibility to judge one another. If forming judgments involves using the rational parts of our thinking to analyze, detect patterns, name syn- dromes, strategize, then we shouldn’t be reserving these skills just to advance technolo- gy. Our ability to scrutinize human behavior, which can be downright slippery, comes in handy when trying to develop character. (Or is “character” also out of style?) I suggest that we need judg- ment to build viable communi- ties. I’m not suggesting we try and orchestrate each other’s moves or even necessarily call ‘ thecops on your schoolmate’s love of pornography. But it’s not judgmental to tell him once that you find his tastes in movies offensive. It’s not judg- mental to mention to your workmate that taking two-hour lunch breaks is bad for office morale. Is_there a problem with the ‘job you can help her resolve? It’s not judgmental to tell your neighbor that scream- V ing at her kids is not good for them even though she already By Crow Cohen knows that. It’s courageous, as a matter of fact. Without judgment there would be no politics, no capac- A ity to learn from past mistakes, no wisdom to pass-onto others. People often slip into accusa- tions of judgmentalism when they believe “to each his own,” all truth is relative — that they A can only share their experience and have no right to make con- nections between their experi- ences and others’ even if the dynamics are similar. They feel obligated _toregard their experi- ences as unique. This pitfall breeds isolation. So the next time I see you at Muddy Waters, I want you to lean over to your buddies and tell them a “secret” about your- self or somebody else that’s been bothering you. Ask their opinions. Discuss this issue "from various angles. Even strategize a plan of action to confront the person you think is tangled up in her own under- wear. Howelse are we going to build ethical communities if we insist on not making judge- ments?‘ Crow Cohen is .a lesbian feminist from Winooski. All names except those of public figures are fictional and do not represent actual people known to the columnist. to To learn more about: - HIV testing - Benefits of knowing your HIV status - Treatment, support and counseling options I; E <1: C]: (D $ 1 o_ (/3 Q