16 - OITN may 2001 Good legal advice can make all the difference. V Langrock Sperry & Wool offers the services of 22 lawyers with over 300 years combined experience in all areas of the law — including two lesbian attorneys with special expertise serving the legal needs of the g/l/b/t/q community. SUSAN MURRAY & BETH ROBINSON With offices in Middlebury and Burlington Middlebury (802) 388-6556 Burlington (802) 864-0217 smurray@langrock.com brobinson@langrock.com Langrock Sperry & Wool, LLP ‘ATTORNEYS AT LAW IN. Iushoy Landscaping Inc. Route 103 last Walllngford, VT 05742 (802)259-2542 us. Landscape Design, Construction & Maintenance Garden Center (nawiy expanded) Over 30 years experience "Asha1dI1whmaaaynlIythalbwavwu1htheIrlp' <9 4-$18 M 0/57‘ 09° 0 Q - ex. (9 '2 e 09 L). ( ,.»\°‘’‘ BLACKWO OD =9-.9 0% q ASSOCIATES, PC *9» ‘’ attorney: blackwdlaw@ao|.com fax: 802_863_0262 Employment and Special Education Law, Civil Rights Law, Wills and Mediation, LGBTAdop(z'ons and Domestic Issues, Personal Injury Law and other litigation The Je Ne Sais Quoi of Coming Out By Crow Cohen I think the most profound change that occurred in those days was coming out from under the pervasiveness of seeking male approval. Because men rule the world and designate T women to clean up the messes they make and stroke their male egos while they’re at it, women were living their lives always in reaction to men. Je ne sais quoi is a French expression I learned in college. (The other useful thing I learned in college was how to whistle shrilly using my fin- gers in my mouth. That skill comes in handy at sporting events — which I rarely attend — rowdy concerts, and in situa- tions where I’m trying to impress the ladies). The expression literally "translates as “I don’t know what.” Idiomatically it means a vague perception, an intuition, a feel- ing about something that you can’t describe in words exactly. So here’s an attempt to find words for my coming out as a lesbian feminist, an event, a process that was beyond words. I did not "discover I had the potential to be a lesbian until I was 34 back in 1977. (Before then, I had been married for thirteen years and had two chil- dren.) My attraction to lesbians ' was not identifiably sexual at first. I had met a group of them at some feminist movement activity, and I perceived an intense energy .I had never’ noticed in women before — the firstje ne sais quoi encounter. They seemed rowdy, adventur- ous, and free from something I could not put my finger on at the time. When I finally threw my towel in with the Burlington Lesbian Feminist Community, I felt I was part of an historic era (we would have called it ‘herstoric” back then) that was going to change the world — the second je ne sais quoi experi- ence. V Laurie S. Rosenzweig Attorney at Law 18 South Main Street, P.O. Box 1455, Rutland, VT. 05701 802-786-2251 e-mail: Sabu234@AOL.com Real Estate, Wills &Trusts, General Practice Everything we did felt sym- bolic. For instance, during those first “Take Back the Night” marches, 50 of us would surround one of those obnoxious fraternity houses notorious for “gang bangs” and chant “Castrate Rapists!” We were acutely aware that the boys had never heard such uppity women in their lives, at least not in such a large group. We somehow sensed that our actions were reverberating throughout the world. We fig- ured that only lesbians would have the chutzpah to be so bold. Eventually, I did become sexual with a woman, and an erotic energy was released that somehow never emerged when I made love with a man. Even though I felt very safe with my husband, whenever I found myself getting too erotic, images of pornography where men degrade women jumped around in my head and would ultimately inhibit me. When I felt that eroticism with women, I did not experience internal- ized disgust. Go figure. (The third instance of je ne sais quoi.) But I think the most pro- found change that occurred in those days was coming out from under the pervasiveness of seeking male approval.. Because men rule the world and designate women to clean up the messes they make and stroke their male egos while they’re at it, women were liv- ing their lives always in reac- tion to men. Lesbian feminists started to bring to conscious- ness how well women could get along without men if we so choose. We may still have to rely on their banks and institu- tions, but we didn’t need them to muck up our personal lives on a daily basis. We didn’t have to rely on them for spiri- tual, psychological, emotional or political sustenance. Some of us chose to continue to have men in our lives, for sure, but as a movement women had never weaned themselves from male control to such an extent since the days of Lysistrata. Talk about je ne sais quoi! This aspect of coming out as a lesbian during the heyday of the women’s movement has been, and will continue to be, a lifelong process. Actually, these days it has little to do with individual men in my life (of whom I have quite a few). But when I’m feeling my most empowered, I sense how free-I am from caring what men think ‘ of me — whether they think I’m attractive enough, smart enough or rich enough. As a matter of fact, extricating myself from “the male gaze” often spills over into not caring in general how people judge me unless I specifically ask for their advice. I think there may -be some- thing missing when a woman comes out as a lesbian and nar- rows the process down to “sex- ual preference.” After all, with whom one beds down is actual- ly a relatively small part of our lives, unless we’re obsessed with sex which happens a lot these days — especially in the . queer movement. I hope that those women who do stumble across lesbianism via their hor- mones eventually experience a release of je ne sais quoi some- where along the line. lfyou do, I’d.love to hear about it. I suspect that those barely discernible feelings are con- nected to something much big- ger than the both of us.