14 ‘ Oll-l"l may 2001 CONTEMPORARY DENTALCARE P.C. LAUREN J. SHANARD D.D.S. Providing the finest quality dental care available, in a warm and relaxed environment. 75 TALCOTT ROAD, SUITE 6.0 WILLISTON, VERMONT 05495 ’ 802.878.9888 Susan McKenzie MS. Jungian Psychoanalyst Licensed Psychologist — Master _ Specializing in issues of Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual and Transgendered individuals and couples Quechee — White River Junction (802) 295-5533 Insurance Accepted 0 BOB GREEN M.A. LICENSED CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR South Burlington (302) 658-2390 . _ (800) 830-5025 Individuals and Couples Janet Langdon, M. Div. Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Pastoral Counseling Individuals & Couples‘ River Road, Putney, VT 05346 802-387-5547 Practice limited to male clientele THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE William Coil, NCMT 802-658-2390: 800-830-5025’ Lisa Grigg, D.O. 9 North Main Street - Wallingford, VT 05773- 802/446-2430 fax: 802/446-6182 www.simply-medicine.com - Email: guilant2@aoI.com , Swedish Massage I LEON D. "LEE" RAMEY, LMT, NCTMB NATIONALLY CERTIFIED IN THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE & BOD‘/WORK NAT'L CERT, # 15-5067-O0 0 MEMBER FSMTA 802-388-9760 802-777-6399 Middlebury, VT By Dennis Scott-Bush Truth or Consequences We never liked David. Our friend, Jane, had arranged for my partner and I to meet her fiance, David, so we could give her our opinions ' of him. We met, we chatted, we lied. She asked what we thought of him. I recall my. response clearly. “He seems to make you happy and that’s the important thing.” Do friends want to hear what we have to say or want us to say what they want to hear? Had we allowed Jane to make her own decision without our negative reaction or were we afraid that our honest com- ments would cause hurt feel- ings? 2 Jane married David in a lovely ceremony that Martin and I attended. About a year later, they divorced and many of Jane’s friends heaved a col- lective sigh of relief. We want- ed the best for her, yet, we had- n’t had the courage to tell her we never thought David came close to that mark. As I cut David’s face out of a photo of him and Jane, I vowed to never take the spine- less way out, again. When a friend asked me to weigh in on his or her choice of significant other, I would shoot from the hip. Friends whose new beaus or girlfriends have been subjected to nothing short of interroga- tion by me, since then, can attest to the thoroughness of my resolve. * I meet, I grill, I tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth? Well, not exactly. I do pose tough questions and press for answers that are reflective and honest not just a glib banter. But, when asked for my verdict, I haven’t always been a model of integri- ty. NC NoimiwEs'rERN MEDICAL CENTER Dr. Mara Vijups Dr. Erin Rhoades NMC RURAL HEALTH SERVICES Specializing in Family Practice Caring for patients of all ages S W A N T O N 868-2454 A L B U R G 797-4414 E N o s B U R G" 933-5831 ~ .0§£lw2/Lawaa/u°nq Liar, liar. If I were wearing pants, they’d be on fire. My friend, Mike, met a new man, several months ago. They’d already been happily dating for quite a while, before Mike had the courage to sub- ject himself and Anthony to dinner and Inquisition across a table from me. Anthony held his own, during the persistent probing, and received my hearty seal of approval. I was delighted to be able to tell Mike, “Anthony is a keeper,” and mean it. The situation was less pleas- ant and I was less candid with my friend, Carla, after chatting with her would-be girlfriend. This woman was no diamond in the rough. She was just rough. I didn’t like her. She’ made my skin crawl. I won- dered what Carla could possi- bly value in this charmless woman. I prepared myself to call it like I saw it. But, when the time came, I heard myself spinning the truth to deliver a response that Carla wanted to heat When confronted with a friend’s hopeful face, is there no end to how easily we become weasely? My seeming inability to steer clear of the occasional cowardly lyin’ is much on my mind. After ending his long- term relationship, my friend Tom is newly single. And, while he’s not ready to.leap into the dating pool, right away, that time will come soon enough. I want to be ready and I want to be a good friend. I Events Activities Advocacy Education Networking Buyer's CO-Op Vermont People With AIDS Coalition P.O. Box 11 Montpelier, VT 05601-0011 in Vermont 800-698-8792 or 802-229-5754 panta, they d on on O flute. want make a preemptive strike, if need be, rather than kvetch after the fact. We’re active participants in our friends’ lives and that includes interaction with their companions. As long as these people are in relationships with our friends, we’ll be-hearing about, socializing with and, perhaps, even vacationing with them. The "possibility of a sit- ting next to one of the said-I- liked-you-but-I-really-don’t folks throughout a lengthy din- ner party or sporting event looms heavily over my head. If the future happiness of a friend isn’t sufficient to war- rant a factual review, isn’t the preservation of one’s own san- ity enough motivation for can- dor? Jane found happiness. She’s gotten married, again — to a man Martin and I genuinely like — and they recently cele- brated their second anniver- sary. Mike and Anthony are still together,‘ Carla moved on to another woman, and Tom is handling the single life with relative ease. Through it all, I keep the photo of Jane with the space where David’s face used to be on our refrigerator to remind me that deserve veraci- t)’ est to us don’t want to hear is exactly what needs to be said. , It’s a matter of truth or con- sequences. Telling the truth can help spare the consequences. Dennis Scott-Bush has always been curious and is often naked. His work has appeared in publications throughout the country and his partner: Martin, took the photo that accompanies this column. E-mail may be directed to NakedCuriosity@aol.com. Sometimes, what those clos- .