. bodies to female bodies. 14 - OlTl‘1 april 2001 @ “lfl could have any body, I think I’d want to have the one I’ve got now, only a little taller, BY M.\R\' KRAFT My body is female because it has strictly female sex organs and produces female hor- mones. This is a condition that I have fought against and ques- tioned the permanency of. since I was a young child. At eight. I cutoff all my hair. wore boys‘ clothes. and tried to change my name to Olias. I will always be curious about what it's like to have a male body. what it feels like to have a penis. no breasts. a deepened VOICE. and a good dose of testosterone. Aesthetically. I prefer male As someone who is very sensitive to smell. energy, touch, sight, and sound, I have picked up on some definite differences between male and female. I On the whole, I have found myself more attracted to male energies and smells. Of course. what people smell like is largely a result of what they eat and their lifestyles. A lot of people wear scents to cover up their natural smells. Those perfume smells repulse me. I prefer people‘s natural scents - some more than others. I think males and females produce dif- ferent scents and energies due ‘ to the hormones in their bodies. And I have tended to like the male results better. In the realm of sight and touch, I have preferred male bodies to female bodies. Bodies that are typically por- trayed in society as images of beauty - Barbie-doll-figured women, and muscular, robust men, gross me out. I like mus- cles, but not onesithat drastical- ly protrude from the body. I p 802.660.8396 mediator Diane M. Felicio, Ph.D. Trying to work it out and getting nowhere? Conflict can be productive. separation - divorce - employee relations - consumer disputes Campus Ticket Store (656-3085). L Media Supportby: ,, PHOENIX ISINQ * spirited jewelry it gifts it gallery Behold this day. It. IS yours to make. -Black Elk Lyric Theatre Company Presents... El §voeeping, §*oocis5Bucl%fing tlépic . April 19-22, 2001 Flynn Center, Burlington Tickets are $19 & $14. $5 discount for seniors and students some shows. Fight Demo Show $5. mugke eéifg Call the Flynn Box Office (86FLYNN) or the “(W A www.lyrictheatrevt.org like male bodies that are not so much different from my own feminine, slender build. If I could have any body, I think I’d want to have the one I’ve got now, only a little taller, and male. I find penises to be quite interesting and beautiful things. I’d rather touch my lover’s penis than my vagina. I don’t touch myself there often. I prefer the feel of a penis in my hand getting hard, instead of the fragile, mucous lips that are between my thighs. I find the penis generally more touchable, as it is usually dry and right out there. The vagina is usually moist and seems to be generally more fragile and not meant for touching much. Simone de Beauvoir describes the male sex organ as “simple, and neat as a finger.” Whereas, the female sex organ is “con- cealed, mucous, and humid. It bleeds each month, it is often sullied with body fluids; it has a secret and perilous life of its own.” My lovers, for the most part, have been male. Besides my apparent attraction to males, , this also has to do with a lack of females who, a) interest and attract me sexually, b) are interested in and sexually attracted to me, and c) aren’t my college professors. I do consider myself pan/polysexual, meaning that I do not place boundaries on who I will be sexually attracted to or involved with based on sex and gender. I used to call myself bi, but that assumes that there are only . two sexes/genders, and I’ve come to discover that there are more than that. I have had the privilege of meeting some intersex people and some trans‘ folks. I have been attracted to a transexual man. I have been very sexually attracted to a handful of women. Sexually, I am drawn to people by their bodies, their smell, look, and feel, but I am ultimately most attracted to the individual inside the’ body, how they carry themselves, their lifestyle, choices, and their humor. Of all the things that can help me accept my body, main- taining its health is at the top of my list. I was fairly ignorant of my health until my late teenage years. I started buying organic foods when I was 17. Now, I eat strictly organic, and am try- ing hard to be vegan. I don’t regulate my diet very well because I follow all my crav- ings that include vegan sweets and chocolate, but I’ve come a long way for a child reared on junk foods like McDonalds, pop-tarts, and genetically mod- ified produce. (My parents ain’t no hippies). I have entirely converted to alternative medicines. I won’t take Advil or antibiotics. lt’s garlic and lemons for me. I don’t even do birth control pills because they really screw up one’s natural hormonal bal- ance. Being a sexually active female and having intercourse with males is very trouble- some. My period was a little late last month, and I feared I might be pregnant. I got a cheap drug store test that turned out nega- tive, then got my period the next day. I use protection now, but I’ve been stupid with my past two lovers. Pulling out is risky for the one who won’t do pills. IfI could get a tubal lig- ation, I probably would, at least after my first kid. Health is crucial. But, I have more problems to deal with. I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder when I was in high school. I have a pretty good handle on that now, except for some uncontrollable thoughts that emerge every now and then. I have always had a hard time with people, particularly the ones I live with. In my family, I_ was the problem child. I’ve never liked my family’s conventionality, or the rich white town that encourages it. I always wanted to be different than what they expected me to be. My OCD and my trans-ness helped me out there. My parents yveren’t -very supportive when I told them I was going to'change my name to Elijah/Eli. This helped inspire me to attend the True Spirit Conference in Washington D.C. last month. This conference is geared towards people who were born female, but don’t identify that way. I.got to meet people who, like me, have some discomfort and dissatisfaction with their female bodies. I got to see dif- ferent ways people are dealing with these feelings. I attended an interesting workshop on chest surgery that involved trans-men who told of their post-operative chests. From what I got, there are two main surgical procedures, I) is the keyhole, and 2) is the double- incision. . Keyhole involves making and mate.” two small incisions on either side of the areola, and using liposuction to remove most of the fatty tissue in there. All nipple sensation is left intact, and there is no noticeable scar- ring. In double-incision, two larger cuts are made, leaving visible scars beneath each breast. Nipple sensation is not retained. I got to talk to one person who’d undergone dou- ble-incision, and one who’d experienced keyhole. I got an up-close view of their chests too. It was very interesting. Exploring my trans-ness was a very important step for me in my mission to accept my body. Injecting testosterone is, to me, no different than taking birth control pills. I don’t want to mess with my natural bal- ance. I have considered taking herbal supplements, or plant androgens, that would increase production of testosterone in my body ..without introducing any foreign/artificial hor- mones. I need to do tons of research before taking any- thing into my body. Surgery is out of the question. I don’t think it will make me any hap- pier with my body, and it’s a whole lot to put myself through. I can’t even stand a lip piercing, let alone the shot they’d have to give me to put me to sleep. My body is female. This determines a lot ofhow I am in the world - the sound of "my voice, my energy, my scent, and what bathrooms I should use. But there’s a lot of stuff about me that stands independ- ent of the sex of my body. I am not a “man” in a woman’s body. I am simply an individual in a female’s body. I am female because my body has breasts and a vagina. Beyond that, I have no use for gender. I feel that beyond the body, everyone is sexless. Souls are neither male nor female.- I am 22 and have been living around Plainfield, VT as a stu- dent at Goddard College for the past two years. I play acoustic guitar and sing and write my own songs. I plan to go to either Europe or New Zealand sometime in the near future because I haven’t seen much of the world, and I ’m anxious for something new.