BY Joi~:L NICHOLS

When I studied abroad in
Germany, every day of our
intensive language course was
followed by a cultural event: a
movie, a museum trip, the Audi
factory tour, or bratwurst and
sauerkraut, and so on. Can you
think of anything more damag-
ing for a gay vegetarian than
the association of high culture
field trips and meat?

The group spent the firstfew
months of the program trying
to understand German dialect
spoken as quickly as possible
by strange little tour guides
pointing here and there to show

‘us finials and paintings, Roman

burial grounds, the Church
treasury and the boys’ choir.
Needless to say, when I found
out that our excursion was to
the city palace on a freezing-
rain-filled March afternoon, I
was not bursting out of my
Lederhosen with excitement.

Seeing the tour guide, how-
ever, changed my mind. He
led us into the courtyard of the
palace and introduced himself.
Like a Cold War sailor, pre-
pared in his crisp white uni-
form, a blip on my gaydar
screen registered. Captain, I
said to ‘myself, we seem to
have another sub coming into
view. Friend or F.O.D., I’m
just not sure.

He was pretty cute and
wearing a gray’ sweater; his
small-framed, typical Euro-
glasses showed his nice eyes,
and his tight jeans his nice
Hinten. Immediately taking
my ship to full red alert, I
turned on the extra special gay-

J Coming” In Loud and Queer

dar —— we’re talking a NASA-
developed, highly refined sys-
tem of language, gesture, DNA
and brainwave analysis. My
internal sensors were on alert

for any mention. of a “friend”, '

San Francisco, ABBA, and the
like.

‘ It became clearer and clear-
er to me as we made our way
through the magnificently fur-
nished rooms that he and I
probably both had the same
homostamp in our passports.
As we got closer and closer to
the ballroom, we saw some
more “fabulous” paintings and
decorations. I then decided I
would move to the front of the
group as I made my greatest
attempt at decoding whether or
not the guy was gay. Entering
the ballroom he said that it kind
of reminded him of The King
and I. The King and I! A musi-
cal!

Springing to action (my
imagined white sailor’s pants
wrinkle-less -swishing over my
deck shoes and my cap tilted
slightly to one side,) I moved

. closer to him and, inconspicu-

ously twirling the earring in my
right ear said, “It reminds me
more of My Fair Lady.” He
looked at me and smiled.

I had hard evidence. He
probably had his gay member-
ship card in the back pocket of
those jeans.

The tour was coming to an
end and I knew I had to act fast.
I wanted a coffee date and
knew there was nothing else to
do but lie as convincingly as I
could.

‘‘I’m doing a project on the
palace for my language course
and I need to interview some-

March 200'11T=;'i5|iOut in the Mountains [13

It's not possible to rely on American stereotypes to set oft

your goydcir. One American living in Europe sold to me,
”Don’t you love it here? At home I feel like such 0 fcig.”

 

one. Would you maybe be.

available to answer a few-ques-
tions?”

“Me?” he responded sound-
ing flattered, “Well, I don’t
know much other than what I
told you on the tour, but I’d be
happy to as long as the ques-
tions aren’t too hard.”

“Oh, I won’t ask anything
too hard. Should we meet for
coffee this week?”

He ended up having a seri-
ous boyfriend, but my coffee
date proved that reading into
conversations can be helpful
when_trying to figure out if
someone is queer like me. It
also helped me meet some
other gays in my new city and
penetrate its gay life.

A lot can be gleaned from
stereotypes, but in Germany at
least, you can’t tell who is gay
and who is not by how they
look. Every boy there is skin-
ny and dressed from head to
toe in tight black clothing.
They all have earrings, suck in
their cheeks and like to shake it
to Cher. It’s not possible to
rely on American stereotypes
to set off your gaydar. One
American living in Europe said
to me, “Don’t you love it here?
At home I feel like such a fag.”

I’ve got to admit, I don’t
mind feeling gay and being
able to look around me and
identify others. It was actually
part of the reason why I got my
right ear pierced, wear a rain-
bow ribbon on my backpack,
and have a rainbow sticker on

my car. I like queer visibility.

A linguist named.William
Leap has done extensive
research on queer language and
decoding conversations. One
of his books, The Words Out,
is full of information about the
way gay men use language to
out themselves subtly and to
send “secret” messages to find
out if others are also gay, just
like my musical exchange with
the tour guide. Of course, even
Leap notes that it doesn’t
always work and that it" is high-
ly contingent on the creativity
and interpretation of the speak-
ers.

Trying to figure out if one
guy might like to play ball with
me, I called the Oscars the
“Gay Superbowl” after some-
one had mentioned the straight

. one. The guy I was talking to

didn’t understand; Mr.
Straightie McStraight unfortu-
natelyjust stared at me. If only
we could create a decoder ring
to give to our brothers and sis-
ters born with the want and not
the know-how.

We all know that a lot of us
don’t fit those ridiculous

stereotypes. My long-haired
lez friends complain daily that
the “dykes” don’t even see
them. From the way they bitch

about it, you’d think that lip- ~

stick and nylons constitute a
Harry Potter-esque invisibility
cloak; my similarly skirt-wear-
ing friend “Miss” Nika assures
me they don’t.

So what happens the next
time the guy in the Square Mall
gives you four parking valida-
tion stickers for a $10 purchase
and the middle-aged woman
ahead of you only gets 1 stamp
for a $100 purchase? Or when
that cute waitress smiles at you
a little more as she hands over
the latte? I say go with it.
Smile back. ‘Make a remark
about Judy Garland, Ani
DiFranco, or maybe even Will '
& Grace. It never hurts any-
one to “drop hairpins” as the
old saying goes; that is, to sub-
tly reveal your queerness to
people who might‘ be gay, too.
After all, without the secret
decoder ring, most straights
would never get it anyway.

 

@, PHOENIX RISING *

   
   
    
     

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