10 | Out in the Mountains [February 2001

8‘ Feminist Therapy

7 Leah Wittenberg

_ Licensed Mental Health Counselor ‘
Psychotherapy for individuals and couples

82 Church St., Burlington
sliding fee scale

O2)658—959O ext.4

  

Lisa Grigg, D.O.

 
 

9 North Mai V
I 802/446-2430 fax: 802/445-6182

wwvmsimpiy-medicina.com ° Email: guilan12@aol.com

n Street 0 Wallingford. VT 05773

Susan McKenzie MS.

Licensed Psychologist—Master

Experienced therapistjspecializing in the individual and
relationship issues of Lesbian Women and Gay Men

Quechee
8 0 2 2 9 5 - 5 5 3 3
Insurance Accepted-Sliding Fee Scale

BOB GREEN M.A.

LICENSED CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR

South Burlington (802) 658-2390

_ _ (800)830-5025
v Individuals and Couples

Michael Gigante, Ph.D.

Psychosynthesis
Counseling, Psychotherapy, 8* Consultation

(802) 254-8032 53 Myrtle St., Bruttleboro, VT 05301

email mgigante@together.net

Janet Langdon, M. Div.
Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy
Pastoral Counseling .

Individuals & Couples

River Road, Putney, VT 05346
802-387-5547

 

Montpelier
229-5220

Burlington

860-6360

LYNN GOYETTE, Ms, MA

Lic. Clinical Mental Health Counselor

BILL” MCBROOM, MSW

Lic. Clinical Social Worker

insurance accepted sliding fee scale

§l@

COUNSELING CENTER or NORTHERN VERMONT

FAITH MATTERS

in the reverend cnrlsllne leslle

Faith Matters and Dying Matters

It will probably come as no
surprise to many of you that I
have chosen “Dying Matters”
as the theme for this, my last
Faith Matters article. I have
been writing these articles on a
monthly basis for almost fours
years and have now come to a
place of needing to step away.
This is true for several reasons.
First, I think its time for me to
rest from this rigorous process,
and secondly, I think its time
that others who have much to
share about the spiritual
aspects of our lives do so in
this wonderful newspaper of
ours. Last but not least, this is
one of the “necessary losses,”
or prunings if you will that will
make it possible for me to
grow and change in ways that
won’t happen if I don’t let this
part of my life go.

This monthly process has
proven to be an amazing time
of reflection and soul searching
for me that has helped to
change my life. I highly rec-
ommend it. Like any risks we
take, writing these articles has
not been
heartaches. However, even the
heartaches have provided me
the opportunity to grow and
change as have the glorious
moments that have come from
writing these articles. I am
grateful for both sides of the
overall experience.

I don’t know about you, but
I have come to find that facing
death, in all of its guises, is a
big piece of our work while we
are here as spiritual beings
having a human experience.
Facing the fact that losses are
inevitable and even necessary
just seems to make coming to
terms with them a little easier.
Facing them is no less painful,
though, just a little easier I
think. Trying to hold on to
something or someone that
needs to be let go of is not good
for the one doing the holding,
or that which is being held on
to. So many of us struggle
with this concept for all kinds
of reasons. We often have a
very hard time imagining that
by letting go we are actually
making room for new possibil-
ities in our lives that need to be
given the opportunity to blos-
som. An exercise that can help
with this is to allow ourselves
the opportunity to imagine
having only one year to live so
we can ask ourselves, “What
do I want to be feeling about
how I lived my life one year
from now as I lie dying?” We
can also then ask ourselves,
“What changes would ‘I make
in my life so the next year

without its '

would be the best year of my
life?” What’s interesting about
this exercise is what we would
actually say to ourselves that
we might not otherwise have
the courage to say? The ques-
tion then becomes, what do we
do with what we find out when
we ask ourselves such honest
and challenging question? If
we find out that we are current-
ly not living our lives as we
really need to be living them,
we are faced with one of two
choices. We either choose to
live out of the pain of staying
where we are, only to lay dying
with a heart full of regret and
remorse, or live out of the pain
of doing what it would take to
make the changes in our lives
that would have us lay dying
with a heart and soul full of joy
and peace.

So the choices are not really
about whether to be in pain or
not. The choices are about
whether or not we want to be
alive until we are dead or be
dead until we are really dead.
There is a wonderful bumper
sticker out and about these
days that says, “Don’t die won-
dering.” This speaks to the
heart of this issue for me. Now
this is not a manifesto calling
for reckless abandonment of
good sense and propriety. It is,
however, a call to those of us
imprisoned in cells of our own
making in which we do not
deserve to spend our precious,
God given lives.

Cells like the cells of drug
and alcohol abuse. Cells like
the cells of jobs that are suck-
ing the very life out of us. Cells
like the cells of relationships
begun and maintained for the
wrong reasons that slowly
erode the hearts and souls of
both people rather than
strengthening them and lifting
them up. Cells like the cells of
self-loathing that have their
roots in all manor of negative
life experiences, both those
imposed upon us and those we
have colluded with ourselves.
Cells of false pride that keep us
from looking at the truth of

who we have become and how -

we are choosing to live our
lives.

It is these kinds of cells and
so many more from which we
deserve to be freed by virtue of
asking ourselves, “What do I
want to be feeling and cherish-
ing about my life one year
from now were I lying on my
death bed?” It is very powerful
to sit down and have the
courage to make a list in
response to these questions and
then ask ourselves “What am I

A

  

going to do with what I have
learned?” It is also comforting
to me to know that, “Once our
heart finds out what it really
needs, whether we live or die,
the work is the same.” (From
Stephen Levine’s book, A Year
to Live.)

It takes a leap of faith to
engage ourselves in such ques-
tioning but it is a leap that’s
worth taking in my book. It’s a
leap of faith because we don’t
know where we are going to
land when we take it, which is
so hard for so many of us. It
seems that its the “not knowing
where I am going to land”
thing that keeps so many of us
from taking the leap in the first
place.

This is where faith matters,
or the notion of “letting go and
letting God” comes into the
picture, which I will grant you
is a big challenge for many of
us. Who wants to risk this with
a God who allegedly believes
Her GLBT folks to be “abomi-
nations?” I believe letting this
notion of God die is very
healthy especially since it’s
just not true. The God I have
come to know and love with all
my being is a God of amazing
love, grace, and compassion,
who longs to be the God of
Resource and Renewal in our
lives that She is. She is not the
aberrant and cruel God of
Rewards and Punishment pro-
moted far too long by ignorant
and power-hungry people in
charge of the world over the
last 2000 years. I couldn’t end
this part of the journey without
saying this: having a God such
as this makes having a faith
that matters desirable and a life
that matters livable.

I want to close by thanking
you for allowing me the privi-
lege of sharing my thoughts
and feelings with you. If my
monthly musings have been a
way for the Beloved Holy One
of Resource and Renewal to
touch your lives and strengthen
your faith, then my writing will
not have been in vain for me or

for you.
Blessed Be!
Rev. Christine Leslie,

Protestant Campus Minister at
the University of Vermont and
Pastoral Counselor and
Spiritual Director in private
practice near Burlington, may
be reached by calling 860-
71 06 or emailing
revcsl@aol.com. ‘