J. —-—-<—,—J'e" - FENG SHUI Baby! BY ROLAND F. PALMER Where have I been? Where have we all been?! Thanks (or maybe not) to a recently trans- planted bi-coastal friend, I have been shown the light of feng shui. For those who don’t know the name, it isn’t a hip new drink, nor the latest designer label, nor a trendy chain of dim sum eater- ies. Feng shui is a 4000-year—old Chinese philosophy that teaches the art of living in harmony with one’s environment. According to the principles of Feng Shui, attaining fame, wealth, health, love, and happiness is simply a matter of understanding how to manage the flow of chi and keeping the ever-battling yin and yang forces balanced. Sounds easy enough—yeah, right! Fear not, my friends, even you can begin to understand and incorporate‘ the principles of feng shui with only a little read- ing or online surfing. In the tra- dition of Publishers’ Clearing House, you may already have won good feng shui without knowing it —read on to be sure. On the other hand if, you dis- cover en route that you have the misfortune to have bad feng shui, there’s no need to panic. While it’s whispered on the West Coast that bad feng shui has thwarted many million-dollar real estate deals, there is no need to burn your house down and start over;"'Simply"fly"in a feng shui consultant-—from California, not Shanghai——who will work in your home or office to restore the missing harmony. Perhaps as well the fame, wealth, health, love and happi- ness that has gone astray, although these are not necessari- ly in the contract. The aforemen- tioned bi—coastal friend also insists that in California, at least, feng shui consultants are as plentiful as personal trainers, and as expensive to boot. Most will probably accept your plat- inum card as payment and will insist on flying first class. (There’s rumored to. be better feng ‘ shui in first class!). And now, on with the story But before you apply for that second mort- gage to finance the consultation, allow me to share with you some of the feng shui principles that now occupy my now enlightened mind. Consider this a free consultation—no first-class air ticket required. Grab your compass—that’s right, your compass—and let’s start with some basics that will help point you the path to good feng shui. In fact, speaking of paths, let’s start there. Curved pathways are a must. They bring better luck because they cause chi——£osmic energy-— to slow down, thereby bringing good fortune and helping it linger in your general vicinity. If a straight path, orworse, a straight road, faces the front of your house, you’ll have to consider some serious re-engineering. Or you could sim- ply move out. Fortunately, there often seem to be escape clauses of sorts in feng shui, and this situation is no exception. If perchance you have trees in your backyard, which offer you the protection of the ‘celestial turtle,’ there’s no real need to move . nor to re-landscape. Let’s move onto water and wealth. With no view from the house of a natural waterfall, you can help lure wealth simply by introducing an artificial waterfall into your garden. Keep in mind, though, that water features work best in the north or southeast of a garden. Furthermore, ponds in front of your house must be to the left of the main door. If your pond is on the right, don’t be surprised if your "partner develops the ‘roving eye.’ And if, like so ‘many of us, you went over- board and installed ponds on both sides of the curved path- way, better call for a backhoe. Now take out your com- pass—you thought I was kid- ding, didn’t you?—and go into your bedroom. Make sure the head of your bed is facing east, and take down that mir- ror if you have it facing the front of your bed. (You all know who you are. Don’t make me name names). Consider the fireplace. Is'it in the northwest comer of the room? If so, better call some- one this instant to get it moved to the south wall. In a pinch, the east, southeast, southwest or northeast walls are still an improvement. On to electronics. If your stereo equipment isn’t on the west wall, make sure you more ‘tithe ‘ th 9- 5 3" create potentia for good for- tune until 2023. ’ Also, remember to crank up that stereo at least once a week; loud music washes out old energies and welcomes in the new. I know, more clean- ing, but it has to be done! Your neighbors won’t, mind this because they, too, will have converted to feng shui during the bulldozing and excavation of the straight road you all share... uh, shared. Maybe you didn’t make it through Scouts for, oh, some reason or another, and you’re not great with compasses and directions. Fear not. We now move onto color. Shui-ing Colors The next time you_insist on redecorating, or giving friends an unsolicited consult on décor, you should keep in mind that there are Good Colors and Bad Colors for each area (see list accompanying this article). At the very least,’try to paint your front door the color appropriate for the direction it faces. If you must, find a Girl Scout to read that compass for you before you start shopping for paint. FENG S§“§i}§>-24 December 2000 | Out in the Mountains |23 -Benee Frank Monday-Saturday 9-9 Sunday 11-5 518 Shelhurne Read Next to Mall 189 852-0646 www.beniranklin.haweb.com Inn Get discounts join our craft club! 5 . To =a&e= It’s about men It’s about hair It’s about time (RE-W MEN’ST ROOM full service salon -m ‘C I" C foundation oi Vermont I The Samara Foundatif’ charitable foundation Vermont is a se__mission is 0 support and strengthen Vermont's gay, |esbian,_ bisexual, and transgendered communities today and build an endowment for tomorrow.