34 | Out in the Mountains |0ctober 2000

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  Amiable

Amsterdam

BY ERNIE MCLEOD WITH KEVIN Moss

You gotta love a city where
municipal employees hand
tourists a welcome brochure
from the police cheerfully out-
lining the dos and don’ts of
prostitution, drug use, and
public peeing. About prostitu-
tion, they non-judgmentally
advise: “If you visit one of the
women, we would like to
remind you, they are not
always women.” How trou-
bling is THAT to your average
drunk straight boy not count-
ing on girls with “something
extra”!

True to its reputation,
Amsterdam is the place to
abandon inhibitions—if you
can’t do it here, honey, you
can’t do it anywhere. lt’s hard
to imagine a more tourist-
friendly foreign environment.
The city is compact and highly
walkable; everyone speaks
English; fine restaurants and
museums abound. As for the
gay tourist, in addition to lais-
sez faire attitudes about sex,
gay establishments are sprin-
kled like fairy dust throughout
the city, and—thisjust in!—the
Netherlands now has genuine
gay marriage (THEY’RE not
afraid of the ‘M’ word).

Window shopping has a
whole new meaning

Though residents think of
Amsterdam as a village, orient-
ing yourself can be confusing.
The arrangement of the major
canals in concentric rings is
helpful only if you remember
along which canal you’re
walking and in which direction
you’re headed. Adding to the
confusion are myriad distrac-
tions along the way. Look, a
rollerskating man in a gold
lamé thong! Look, a pack of
plastered Brits! Look, a
“woman” in her panties tap-
ping on the window! Look, I’m
going to get run over because
I’m a dimwitted tourist stand-
ing slack-jawed on the bike
path!

The rosily lit girls behind
glass are, of course, in the infa-
mous Red Light District, a
must-walk-through even if, for
most queer folks, the area
holds mainly anthropological
interest. Progressive as
Amsterdam is, openly male
prostitutes are hidden behind
brothel doors. Lesbian sex
interests are typically ill-con-
sidered. '

Don’t fall in the canals!

By all accounts, it’s highly
unpleasant and thus crucial to
remember when your lover
tells you to back up just a
smidgen more for that Kodak-
moment on the
Homomonument.
HOMOMONUMENT!—‘we
aren’t in Kansas anymore.
You’ll find the pink stone trian-
gular tribute jutting into the
Keizersgracht (Emperor’s
Canal) at Westermarkt. There,
too, is the Pink Point of
Presence, a.k.a. “PPP,” an
appropriately hued gay & les-
bian info/souvenir-kiosk.

Once you’ve got your bear-
ings——a boat tour helps—
you’ll find strolling
Amsterdam eminently enjoy-
able. Carry umbrellas and wan-
der the quiet streets along with
the lively ones. After dark, the
bridges refiected in the stilled
waters of the canals are irre-
sistibly romantic.

Eat, drink and be merry!

You know you’re in a gay
capital when discussion of bars
alone could fill an article.
Where to begin? —leather
bars, yuppie bars, lesbian bars,
neighborhood bars, hustler

 
   

bars,
escort bars, discos, kink par-
ties... the mind boggles.
Conveniently, bars of one
type tend to be clustered
together, so you can pick your
evening outfit, hit the appropri-
ate street, and flit door to door.

For instance, along
Warmoesstraat, you’ll find
Cockring, Argos, Club

Jacques, Dirty Dicks, Eagle,
and Stablemaster, all leatherish
establishments ranging from
sleazy to sleazier. Cockring is
highly popular, especially on
weekends, when both the
dance floor downstairs and the
fumace-like darkroom upstairs
fill to capacity.

For a more pretty-boy-pos-
ing upscale environment
(reflective surfaces figure
prominently in the decor), head
for Reguliersdwarsstraat.
Havana and April—with its
Dramamine-please! rotating
back bar——are hot spots early
in the evening. ‘Round mid-
night Soho is packed to its mir-
rored gills; order two beers and
the bouncy bartenders hand
you four, greeting your sur-
prised expression with “Happy
Hour!” On weekends, Exit is
crowded with a- youngish but
diverse group gyrating beneath
showy club lighting. (Watch

your step if you ascend to the
treacherously candlelit dark-
room.)

While it’s mostly men in the
yuppie bars, women wouldn’t
feel entirely out of place (as
they would, say, at Cockring).
Saarein and Vivelavie, on the
other hand, cater primarily to
women. Tuesday is girl night at
Getto, and there are women-
only disco nights at COC and
You II.

For an authentically Dutch,
camp-spiked extravaganza, fall
in with (or to) the locals at the
cozy Amstel Taveerne. Sunday
evening sing-alongs are espe-
cially jolly—practice yodeling
and shouting out “Heidi!”
before you go. Macho Macho

' is an even cozier hangout for

macho women and decidedly
non-macho men with alcoholic
tendencies (patrons appear per-
manently affixed to their
barstools). Queen’s Head—
with its little dog mascot, Billy
Doll collection, and spinning
red polka-dot illumination——
has a butch/femme ‘70s aura.
The back table has fab canal

_ views.

Our hustler bar research

, expedition was cut short when

a pear-shaped man in pear-yel-
low polyester mistook me for a
“working” boy. Those looking

 
   

for working boys do" have sev-
eral well-advertised options.
Those looking for working-it
boys can find them towel-
wrapped and roaming over
several steamy levels at
Thermos Day (a warming
diversion on a rainy after-
noon!) or Thermos Night (like-
wise in the wee hours).

The greatest dining compli-
cation in Amsterdam is choos-
ing among ethnicities.
Definitely have a meal at one
of the “Rijsttafel” (Rice Table)
restaurants, where countless
mildly-to-wildly spicy
Indonesian dishes arrive in lit-
tle bowls. Our favorite was the
friendly, tastefully appointed
Tempo Doeloe. We noted a
number of female couples
(some arm wrestling!)‘at the
bustlingly authentic Spanish
restaurant Centra. Bird is a
gay-friendly Thai place a
stone’s throw from the Queen’s
Head. Casa di David has delec-
table Italian treats, waiters
included. For a splurge, give
yourself over to De
Boemerang. Don’t expect
menus; do expect endless
courses and an unforgettably
decadent evening. On the way
to or from Museumplein, lunch
at the gay South African restau-
rant Pygma-Lion which fea-