22 | Out in the Mountains |September 2000 CROW’S CAWS Switching Cultures I went to a family reunion recently- This was a pretty big deal, actually. My second cousin in Ottawa, whom I barely know, was doing research on her computer about our family tree. Because my grandparents were dirt-poor Russian-Jewish immigrants, a lot of their histo- ry is impossible to trace. Who kept records of peasants from Eastern European ghettos? My cousin decided to have a first- ever reunion of the Freedman clan, inviting relations from all over the country to meet "in Connecticut, where a lot of us grew up. I, myself, had written an informal family history based on interviews of my folks and their immediate sib- lings, who were all in their eighties, so I was particularly interested in attending. There’s only one problem: I’m a lesbian. I’ve been out to my extend- ed family for years, so that’s not the issue. It’s the crossing of cultures that gets a little dicey. I was heterosexual for the first 20.years of my adult life, so I’m thoroughly familiar with the straight life; but most of the 50 people at that gather- ing have no idea what it’s like to live in the gay culture. People were nice enough, but I felt strangely invisible. For one thing, I was the only Events Activities Advocacy Education Networking Buyer's Co-Op Vermont by crow cohen one at the party dressed in a political t-shirt. It wasn’t even about queer politics. It was a t- shirt from Israel with the word “peace” written in Hebrew and Arabic. Only one person I had- n’t met before expressed any curiosity about the message on §% For me, bridging two cul- tures has always been a strug- gle. By culture, I mean similar customs, shared language, and shared history. When I discov- ered I could be a lesbian "in my thirties, I felt thateverything _ inside — my guts, my values, During the ceremony when one of my relatives listed the family ”accomp|ish- ments,” she kept nudging me with her elbow, because she knew "lesbian fem- inist activist” would never appear in that roll call. the shirt, and only as I was leaving — it was that kind of invisibility. It must have made them uncomfortable, so they decided to ignore it. My 30- year-old niece who grew up in Northampton knew what I was up against. During the ceremo- ny when one of my relatives listed the family “accomplish- ments,” she kept nudging me with her elbow, because she knew “lesbian feminist activist” would never appear in that roll call. I would have been delighted to discuss aspects of my life with anyone who both- ered to ask, but no one did. More invisibility. some of Vermont's best organic vegetables, including carrots, baby lettuce, zucchini, mesclun, beets and cucumbers. Their hand-picked, hand-washed carrots are among the world's sweetest and People With AIDS Coalition P.O. Box 11 Montpelier, VT 05601-0011 in Vermont 800-698-8792 or 802-229-5754 © cucumbers from Sander. Farm in Quebec. 274 N. Winooski Ave., Burlington, Vennont 802-863-3659 Open 9-9 every day. A community market lecturing natural foods, local produce, supplements, and gaun-net specialties. and my dreams — completely turned upside down, literally revolved. Hence, I became a revolutionary. I was married to a man I loved at the time, so it was pretty agonizing. It was as if I chose to step over an invis- ible boundary into another dimension where my family couldn’t really follow com- pletely. We loved each other, but I had to accept that the world treats them differently than I’m treated. Even if noth- ing is said, I always have to make internal adjustments to how people might react if they knew I was a dyke. I’m not sure if everyone feels the dif- -v-cull’. _ vs ' ‘A tlvesk raga «Prom l-he Ouiovi Rivev Co-op... Meet the Pollcs who gvow owr cawvolrsg * The members of Diggers’ Mlrth Collective in Bur|ington’s lntervale are as eclectic as their crops. From May to November, a journalist, .~ a Christmas tree farmer, and a ’, welder join two others to produce crunchiest — and they're available - '- now at the Onion River Co-op. Pic\r.ea\ just {low as! Organic Armenian and English Far fresh ideas, visit the Onion River Co-op. ferences as strongly as I do. Perhaps I’m hyper-vigilant because I came out a time when the word “gay” was never uttered in the media. (I’m TV illiterate, so I was amazed the other night when I happened to catch a couple of sitcoms over my daughter’s house, and they both had queer characters in them — two in a row! When did that start hap- pening?) I remember when I was bisexual back in the ‘70s; I felt torn in two. I simply couldn’t figure out how to co-exist in two different cultures at the same time. Over the years, I’ve committed myself to the les- bian culture whether or not I have a lover. Insisting on a les- bian identity has strengthened me immeasurably — kept me sane in a society permeated by sexism. A major task of a trans- sexual friend of mine is her struggle to learn how to fit into the female culture now that she’s switched genders. Society is probably somewhat more fluid than it used to be, but being born into a particular ethnic, racial, gender or reli- gious group carries with it a variety of behaviors that are hard to shake. I just heard on the news today that Al Gore chose a Jewish vice-president as his running mate. I was bowled over! It didn’t even occur to me that something like that could happen in my lifetime. That’s The how deeply I bury my Jewish culture in my everyday life in Vermont. My first thought was “Oh shit! So much for the Democrats getting elected this year.” Now if that isn’t inter- nalized anti-Semitism, I don’t know what is. ‘Then I experi- enced an enormous rush of val- idation especially when I heard a sound bite from his accep- tance speech when he praised Gore for his chutzpah. Joseph Liebennan immediately identi- fied himself as a member of my tradition by the way he pro- nounced that Yiddish word. As delusionary as it may be, I now feel I have a direct link to the White House in ways I’ve never felt before. Being a member of an oppressed group (or two or three) makes for powerful cultural connections. What do we mean when we say we can use “gaydar” to detect if someone is gay? It’s probably a combination of the way they move, dress, talk, or look us in the eye. It isn’t 100 percent accurate, of course, but I suspect it’s related to subtle clues that this stranger may share a common culture. Despite the struggles of having to accommodate at least two cultures in my life simultane- ously, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Continuing to create lesbian culture for the past 20 years has enriched my life beyond belief. Crow Cohen Wino0skz'.V lives in of Rochester Benes Franklin exam Graig; éLE‘i'i’mnill‘® Monday-Saturday 9-9 Sunday 11-5 519 Shelhurne Road Next to Mall 189 862-0646 www.l1enlrank|in.hawel1.com Get discounts join our Craft Club!